Where is Your Honor? Man up!

Ok I think some men run their mouths too much. 

Yup…I said it and will say it again.  Why?  Because Women quite often get the blame for talking too much and/or gossiping but many times get their "information" or ammunition from men.  I’m not saying that it’s right, nor am I saying ALL MEN; notice I did say, some!  But I’m noticing a pattern of weak men and it’s frightening! 

Yikes!

If a girl friend of mine is acting bird-like, I check her.  When I step out of line, I get checked.  We do not want bird tendencies amongst us. The same tendencies that some of you complain about but gravitate to and/or exhibit in your own personal lives. That’s right…men can be birds too.

Ugh!

I'm also saying these things because I'm kind of tired of diarrhea-of-the-mouth-dudes who always have something to say about someone or something.  The hypocrisy of, “where is the chill?” or these hypocrite men who criticize e-ve-ry-thing about a woman from hair, complexion, shoes, teeth, occupation and choice of men…especially if she doesn’t choose YOU.  Then all of the sudden she’s a ho, bitch, slut, fatherless and can’t keep a man. 

Wow. 

And what does that say about some of you men who are hoes, bitches, sluts, fatherless and can’t keep a girl?  Where your mothers hoes?  Was she a single mom who couldn’t keep a man? 

Hmmm.

I’m just a bit tired of the one-sidedness of it all.  It also saddens me how it’s just accepted as truth…as if how men view us is how we are defined.

Pshhhhhhhhh!

…and this woman bashing bitter sugary behavior is never from whom you’d expect it from, is it? I’ve come up with a profile that describes who and what I’m talking about:

• The ones who act the hardest when they are really the weakest.

• The smack talking tough guys who swear that they run shit when they only run their mouths.

• The ones who have so much critique for women yet cannot control their own or the ones they sleep with.

• The ones who always let their left hand know what their right hand is doing.

• The ones who think disrespect is cute.

• The ones who say something just to say something so they can look like they are in-the-know.

• The ones who cosign these behaviors.

I’ve also seen men allow their boys to spit on women, hit women, and be verbally abusive to women in front of them….and nothing is done.  I’ve even seen and heard men reveal too much of other people’s business to gain points from people who then turn around and use that info against all parties involved.

I keep hearing the term, “new niggas” being used and as much as I hate to admit it, I am starting to believe there is a new breed of men out here with no guidance or respect for themselves or women.  Who is raising these fools and why in turn are they breeding? 

And some of y’all are slipping by letting your boys slip as well.  Some say "father your daughters" and "father your sons" but I say father your home boys. They need it.

This is a problem and I’m sooooo not used to this!  I’m used to strong men…men with courage and wisdom. Men with fight and honor.  Men who will back you up and hold you down despite what may be popular or unpopular.  Men who know the differences between right and wrong, tactful and reckless. 

You sit and complain to your boys or on Social media sites about how women need to respect themselves and how some of us need guidance. Ok. Same goes for some of your messy, irresponsible, low-life, homeboys who often trade in their self-respect for new ass. Talk to’em!

So do the same for your home boys! Don’t let them slip! And your home girls deserve better as well. Stop calling  women out of their names all willy nilly while allowing your daughters, sisters, aunties and friends to fall. Because if they fail, you fail too. 

Father your sons.  Father your daughters.  Father your homeboys…MAN UP!

Please and thank you. 

CMJ

Cousins...

I’ve been thinking about family and Cousins I grew up with at different points of my life. Some of us took baths together, got spankings together, lived together, spent summers together, cried together and so much more! Some of us met later in life but felt close the minute we found out we were related! 

"Awww sh*t, You're my COUSIN! Yessss!” 

We've also grown up and developed internal friendships which made being related more special and solid. Adult life means responsibilities but love, whether distant or near, allowed us to grow in different directions while maintaining respect and admiration for each other.

I love my Cousins! Cousins are the ORIGINAL Besties and BFFs! I feel closer to some than my own sister. From my faaaaaavorites to the ones I watch on Facebook or hear about thru random conversations with other family members...Each of you, each of us have this unique unspoken bond that can't be explained but is felt when it's time to come together.

This week I felt this unspoken bond when the news of our Cousin...our wonderful Cousin, Frantz Maisonneuve aka @FrantzMai was taken away from us. The pain I feel now cannot fully be put into words but we all know that losing a loved one is like losing a part of you. It's like a body part you don't think you need...but you do. It’s that voice mail message that comes when you least expect it but needed. It's photos, reunions, batèms, holidays, or random acts of kindness that are extra special when a family member sprinkles their love all over it. Frantz was indeed THAT special and always added the sprinkles!

I can't explain it but anyone who has been around him or had the opportunity to soak up his aura must know what I'm talking about. He was the light in the dark, the sun in the sky and a burst of energy when feeling low.  He was like the Best Friend you didn't know you had and made everyone feel like his Best Friend or better yet...like family. 

I am happy to have known him. I'm lucky to have been in his presence and although I'm saddened by his passing, I'm glad to know my Cousin is with GOD and will not stop being that light, the sun or burst of energy I mentioned above. I believe this to be true and even though closure is far-fetched, he left enough love for me, family, (Cousins,) and friends to feel and cherish for years to come. 

Thank you, Frantz.

Tell More Truths or Give Less Fucks

I'd like people who claim they "don't give a f*ck" to actually not give a f*ck by truly not giving a f*ck by just...not giving a f*ck.
 
If you don't give a f*ck, then don't. No announcements, explanations, open-letters, or further proclamations about not giving a f*ck.
 
That's how I know that most of us give a f*ck. Why? Because we spend so much time denouncing the f*ck that we actually give.
 
Don't be embarrassed!
 
Claim that f*ck that you're trying to deny! You're treating it like a one-night-stand you'd like to forget or energy you regret giving to someone.
 
Or maybe you can just say it once? "I don't give a f*ck!" There!  We can believe that! But to continuously go out of your way to prove you don't give a f*ck by actually giving a f*ck enough to try and disprove it is indeed giving a f*ck.
 
...either that or the definition of giving-a-f*ck has changed?
 
From what I've been seeing lately, "Not Giving a f*ck" actually means: I do in fact give more f*cks than I want to admit; and although I know that you know that I know that you know that I DO give a f*ck, I will Tweet, Blog, Facebook, Tumblr, sing, and dance as if I don't."
 
And don't get me wrong...I certainly cosign & endorse the, "we need to learn how to give less f*cks" movement!  Word to @Cthagod
 
However...
 
What I don't cosign or endorse is lying to us and yourself about giving a f*ck when you actually do GIVE A F*CK.
 
Stop it! We see you!
 
Who is going to stop you from caring? We can't get mad at your feelings! That's like being upset at your love for no longer loving you. And although it's painful to us, the actual act of leaving or doing less because of the lack of love is what hurts. But we can't get mad at feelings.
 
And that is a hard pill to swallow, right?
 
But I digress...
 
I don't find anything wrong with being passionate about what you believe despite "haters" or those who doubt you. F*ck them! F*ck us! Do you!
 
But what makes you less credible, less genuine, more thirsty, shady and NEEDY is the constant need to beat a dead-horse with an over abundance of I-don't-give-a-f*cks.
 
We don't need the paperwork! Just don't give a f*ck and move on.
 
How about this...tell us what you do give a f*ck about so we can decide if we should give a f*ck too. Deal?
 
But for now...we know you give a f*ck, we see that you give a f*ck, we are aware of the amount of f*cks you're trying to hide...so in conclusion, we don't believe you and you need more people.
 
The end

Innovation, Strategy, Plan, Success...in this Recession!

My friend who has been unemployed for almost 2 years went and set up shop outside of a company she really wants to work for.  She went about 3 days straight around “quitting time” to observe the faces and body languages of the people coming out of the building.  Then she went back again with cash and a copy of her resume.   

She approached someone she felt looked relatively happy, older and gave her eye contact...told them her story and made a proposal.  She gave them $50 cash to take the resume and promised $50 a week if the person helped get her in.  The person agreed, pretended she was a relative, got her an interview, but followed up with the hiring manager almost daily.   

The fake relative sent emails, went by the hiring manager's office, introduced, made nice...and kept following up.  This went on for maybe 2 + weeks.  My friend's bill was $150 after the initial $50.  (Mind you...we both have "friends" who work at this company who never seem to know anyone or want to go above and beyond by doing research. )  Now my friend works at this company.  The fake relative gave her $100 back, got money from the company for the employee referral, and told my friend she would give her the rest of the money back IF she makes it past her 90 day probation period and doesn't tarnish the referral.   

My friend is grateful, happy and no longer depressed.  How many of you want to try that now?  I have sooooooo many friends out of work or Freelancing random short-term gigs for pennies that I felt like I had to share.  Praying  for anyone suffering at the hands of this Recession…For real.

Claudia Mocha Jean

I'm Swaaaaaaaamped!

 #IndustryPeopleMantra "I'm Swamped" or "I've been swamped."

 Stop lying!

 

Dear Industry Liar:

You haven't been "swamped." You've been practicing the art of appearing busy which I like to call, "The appearance of busy."

You're on Twitter and Facebook talking about how busy you've been, how you have no time to talk and how you have no time to eat, sleep or vacation.

Oh...

But you're at the same Industry events as everyone else, drinking from the same open-bar that you happen to get to before it turns into an all cash bar, making fake Industry lunch and brunch dates, quietly skimming thru social media posts others have made...all while complaining about how busy you’ve been lately.

Stop the Bloodclaatt lying!

Real swamped people don't complain about being swamped. They're making deals, cutting checks, cashing checks, and Tweeting shit like, "So how's the weather?" or "Be the best you that you can be" or "Have any of you read the new book by so and so?"

And if you're so swamped and "busy" making deals and "Boss" movements...why are you loud about it? Why is every other story about how you're "doing big things"?

The loudest one in the room is the weakest one in the room. If you were so swamped, why scream about it?  You're "killin' 'em" in the game? But no one plans a murder out loud.

So are you really and truly swamped or in your living room concocting a story about how you've been too swamped to check in?

And don't get me wrong…we know you're at some of these hot events or on a plane to a convention or a celebrity weekend get-a-way. But then you complain about time zones and how you won't get much sleep cause you'll be busy being swamped. You barely have time to figure out what to wear!

Poor baby!

But swamped people don't Tweet or Facebook their struggles of having multiple meetings, changing time-zones or no time to pack for a trip. They arrive. The end.

And the swamped person is a f*cking magician, aren't they!?! Ever notice how they go to 3 events in one night, have dinner with family, read a new book, take an overnight business trip, see a play on Broadway and guest-Blog for an on-line magazine...swiftly and quietly like a Ninja. 

Another cool thing about the swamped person is they give back. Some how, some way thru advice, a connect, or a quick email on what they need in order to make whatever you need happen...and it will include parameters, guidelines and suggestions.

The fake busy Industry person NEVER calls back but it's not because it's personal…it's because they’re faking being busy. So their excuse(s)? "I don't check voice mail" or "I didn't get your message" or "I got a new phone" or "I'm swamped!"

But swamped people aren't too busy to check voice mail or return emails because they know there's money in the messages.

The Fake Busy Industry person Tweets and Facebooks about having 149 missed calls and 68 messages they haven't checked. Lol! You counted them all during your busy schedule? 

Soooooooo why are you Tweeting or Facebook statusing? Is it Retweets or "Likes" you seek? Or are you passively and aggressively looking for someone to compliment you on how fake successful you are despite your fake busy life?

Let's be real…The Industry is big but the Networks are small. You don't have to front for Social Media.

We see you!

The economy blows, budgets are tighter than years ago, and yes...although some are thriving well regardless of how everyone else is doing, you, my dear are not.

...because if you were "swamped" you wouldn't take any of this personally. Right?

Ok gotta go! I’m swaaaaaaaaaaaaaamped!

Love, Mocha ;)

Black People Problems

Is it just me, or does anyone else notice how difficult WE can be in Business when it comes to answering calls, returning calls, leaving messages, retrieving messages, following thru on a Business proposal that WE initiate, reading emails and responding to emails?

Well guess what? It’s not just me! Today a white Colleague made it a point to vent to me about how “Black people have issues with cell phones.”

I was embarrassed because admittedly I don’t like OTHERS calling US out on our bullsh*t. The fantasy part of my brain always wants to take care of some of our problems in-house. But I agree with EVERYTHING he said:

“Every time I go to call a Black person, sorry, African American, they don’t answer or they Text back or their voice mail is full! These are business related calls and it just seems like African Americans come with too many phone rules. They never pick up. They don’t check messages. They don’t call back AND they want you to take too many steps to communicate. I don’t have time. I never have these issues with white Talent or Talent from other races.”

OUCH!

  

Now here’s the thing…I did NOT want to agree OUT LOUD. But I felt everything he was saying in my chest!

WE sure are some elitist mofos when it comes to communication. Why does it seem as if WE are too good or too busy to communicate effectively and thoroughly when OTHERS don't seem to have any issues doing it?

Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying WE all do it. Maybe it's just the Black people I encounter, that I'm related to, or are friends with or have done business with or who reach out to me with potential business opportunities. Well that's damn near everyone...except the OTHERS!

Yikes!

Not that OTHERS don't have their own quirks when it comes to communicating. But whether it's verbally or digitally, I haven't come across many non-Black piss poor communicators such as US.

Crazy, right?

What's wrong with US? Why do WE hate voice mail so much? Why is leaving pertinent information in a message so "annoying" to US when there could be money involved? Why instead of leaving a message, WE hang up to send a Text?

Why does it take sending the same fucking email 4 times before WE finally read it? But then WE don't really read it, do WE? Not when WE are asking for the SAME info that's in the email WE are replying from. Smh.

Or...

WE get an email, need more information from the sender, then proceed to abandon the email that has a reply option to send a Text requesting the additional info. So you'd rather a bunch of business related Texts when you were just in the email?!

And while I'm still in the asking mood...Why do WE wait 6 hours for a Text response when WE could have called to ask for the same info WE are waiting 6 hours for? So WE won't make a movement until WE get a Text? I'm sorry but that's dumb.

A colleague once pulled her car over to not only send a Text but wait for a response. After 30 minutes, I suggested she call. She refused. After an hour I wanted to be dropped off. Why would I want to sit in a car waiting for a Text? She never got a response but that night at the event we were in town for, the person she Texted asked, "Why didn't you just call?"

On another relative note...Why do WE propose a business opportunity then disappear without at least saying, "I'm sorry, it fell thru"? Or, "the dates have been changed; will get in touch when I have an update." I don't get those correspondences from US. I get them from OTHERS.

What the hell is wrong with US?

And it appears that the new hotness in the streets is: After you call, send an email, text, Tweet, Facebook, Instagram and BBM, WE are STILL supposed to remind people about something business related. Why?

I don’t have to remind you to get up in the morning.

I don’t have to remind you to get a check you're owed.

I don’t have to remind you to get to work or to your business on time.

So why do I have to text, Tweet, Facebook, Instagram and BBM, and basically STALK you for a response?

Look...I realize none of US are perfect, but for some reason WE have extra rules when it comes to THE simplest shit.

I remember dating a guy who told me that if he didn't answer his personal cell or the business cell, then I should call his home phone...but only if it was after 10. Before ten I was to send a Text letting him know I called both personal cell and business cell.

Whaaaaaaaat?

I recently tried to connect with someone for business. She initiated, I followed thru. I called and left 2 messages and she replied back via Blackberry Messenger requesting that I call her back at a designated time.

Ummm...no. If I called YOU and left 2 messages, why not just call me back when you can talk? That's what return-calls are! Someone calls you, YOU call back. If you can't talk until a certain time then YOU should call back at that time.

Hello?

I have a former Client who needs help every now and then but doesn't like the sound of his voice...Soooooo he does not leave voice mail. Huh? Who cares how your voice sounds?! It's business! You think how your voice sounds will affect my money?

And I was just introduced to a potential client via email and instead of replying to the emails that include ALL of the business related info and questions, he decides to Text a dissertation. Ummm. Why? His response, "Iphone users don't check email like that."

Oh.

I used to take all of these things personally until I realized that many people go thru the same thing with US. But this can't be a Black thing...can it?

I get returned calls, invoices paid, confirmations, email responses with the proper people copied in the email, ETAs when a deadline is missed, explanations as to why a deal fell thru, full information when it comes to an event or meeting, and voice mail messages from OTHERS. From US...not as much. But the irony is, WE don't always do OTHERS like that...but we consistently do it to each other...WE do it to US. All day! (With excuses as to why WE do.)

Let's be honest here...It's waaaaaack! Yet I find more and more of US having these rules, quirks and habits when it comes to Business.

Well it must be working fine because I don't see any changes for the better! If anything I see and hear more and more "woe is me" type complaints from WE who are "annoyed" by those of US who want to communicate.

Must be nice to be that busy or that rich. I don't have it like that! I have to check my voice mail and read and respond to my emails because those who pay me don't play those games or have time for off-the-wall-rules. I couldn't imagine telling an Executive Producer that I didn't get his or her message because I don't check messages! 

Yeah, ok.

C.M.J

You. Are. Not. A. Robot

Dear Real-life Friends
(...and I'm not just talking to my Real-life friends!)
This goes out to your friends, my friends and my friend's friends:

You. Are. Not. A. ROBOT!

You're probably wondering where I'm going with this but be patient and read slowwwwly!

We need to take time out to be Human again. We're behaving without thinking! We've been programmed to be anti-social and like it. Kinda like Robots, right? Maaaaaan...these Social Media and Smart Phone companies have found a way to dehumanize us and it's starting to affect friendships and relationships. 

Some of you will probably say that it has already happened...Touché! But perhaps we need to bring it to the attention of those who don't notice how bad it is and how impersonal we've become so that we can all get back to being Human again.

Just recently a new acquaintance told me he "never" talks on the phone, then proceeded to continue chatting with me via Blackberry Messenger. I'm so used to that kind of second-class communication nowadays that I didn't realize how sad that actually is!

I don't know how you can get to know someone without talking. And I don't think I'd be able to go too long without hearing the voices of those I truly consider Friends. But we all dehumanize ourselves to a certain extent. We don't talk...we email, Tweet, Text or bump into each other at events.

But even that shit doesn't work out too well! Sometimes we're friendlier on the Internet than in real life or we forget how to converse in real-life because we've found a comfort zone and new level of confidence by communicating with our thumbs. And as for email...I know for a fact some of my peeps don't even read half the things I send because 75% of the time they email me asking the same thing I already sent in the email.

And we don't even thank each other for info. Job leads, interesting articles, sales, invitations. We just click and skip...promising ourselves to get to it later when in reality, whatever it is will get lost amongst all the other correspondences our inboxes. And if you don't put something attention-grabbing in the subject line or put a Celebrity's name in ALL CAPS...it may get deleted all together.

And speaking of invitations...what happened to the personal touch? We find out about parties via Facebook or thru Twitter. No one has time to let each other know about what is going on.

Are we that busy?

The economy is shitty! Rent, mortgages and gas prices are too damn high.  We don't have a lot of quality Television programming to choose from...and if you're Single, you may not be going out on dates because no one talks anymore!

So what are we doing?????? 

Why aren't we more supportive? Why do we say, "let's catch up" but in real life never do? Why don't we take the time to read between and what's in the lines? 

As usual, I have more questions than answers, but I do not have a problem holding myself accountable. I have to do better as well and I don't want to live the rest of my life strictly behind the computer screen. I need Human contact. I love laughter. I love the hearing good news and being there for my friends to comfort them if and when there's bad news. I don't like missing out on things because I forgot to check Facebook and I hate having conversations via text that could easily be had over the phone.

And besides...if I couldn't hear Terrell's or my cousin, Lou's laugher, Dena's and Michelle's dating chronicles, Kevin's Jedi-mind-trick-isms, Rose's smile when I call for her birthday, (yes...you can hear a smile over the phone), Anthony's stories about his kids, gossip with Jamaal and Raedawn, catch up with Tracey and Finesse's Hollywood stories, Patricia's job hunting nightmares, talk about the family with Cousin Claudia, get wedding updates from Rachel, advice from Andre, find out what's poppin' in the fast and fashionably exciting lives of Alisha C. or Al in Chicago, talk sh*t in Patois with Chelan and Loni, go down "Memory Lane" with Love, share laughs with Wendy, or hear my nieces tell me they love and miss me...I'd eventually go crazy!

So let me go be human...or at least make an honest effort! And you...yeah YOU! Go be human! Call him or her! Meet up for drinks AND put the phone away! Go visit a friend and just vibe out in the house doing absolutely nothing! Support a friend's event regardless of who else will or will not be there! Make Birthday calls, not Texts! Get to know someone you may like by actually talking...with your mouth! Read his or her Blog post you said you'd read but never got around to.  (Hint Hint)

Goooooooooo!

Because we. are. not. Robots.

CMJ

A Letter To My Video Girl...

Dear Video Vixen, Video Girl, Extra...Model:

You want what? Huh? Advice about doing Music Videos for free?!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

...that was me screaming.

Now let me tell you what I learned, think, and know about doing Music Videos for free.

*Deep breath*

Some Indie or newer artists don't really have high budgets. I get that. And some veterans who've been not-so-popular lately may not have grand budgets either. We empathize.

However...

If the artist(s) is "big time", award nominated, platinum selling, on covers of various publications and is a Brand that makes their label money…they have a budget God Dammit!

Money goes to the Production company, (sometimes it's the Director's Production company) and the producer decides on how they allocate funds.

Now the Bullsh*t comes in when the money for Casting is low or damn near nonexistent...which again is Bullsh*t.

Let me explain why...

They need Models but won't pay. But if they have NO Models and the Treatment AND Artist(s) want Models, what will they shoot? Puppets?

Now here's the Okie doke: There's money for Casting but they don't want to spend it on you. That basically means…they don't respect your time or value your worth.

Or...

Someone pockets the money...

Or...

Several people pocket the money...whether it's the Director him/herself or the "Casting" person(s).

Or...

They just don't want to pay because they know they can get girls for free...especially if it's a big name celebrity.

You know how many Directors and Producers have said to me, "Naw, we're not paying them. We can just get some Bitches to do it for free. Trust me, they'll do it." (By the way, the "Bitches" they refer to are you...and the THEY they're talking about is also YOU.)

So they offer you "exposure" and MAYBE lunch? But you still have to get there! (That’s gas.) And...bring your own wardrobe and be camera-ready. That means do your own hair and make-up, but noooooooo wardrobe will be provided for you! That's for paid Talent.

*Tears*

So you really have to think about whether this "exposure" is worth it. Sometimes it is. But with Music videos? If you're the Lead, yes.

However!

How many channels play full Music Videos nowadays? And if you don't have a good Cable package, you won't have MTV Jams, soooo...I guess we'll have to check Youtube to find you?

*Tears*

I'm just saying! You have to weigh the odds...the good vs the bad, the pros vs the cons. If you don't have anything to do anyway, sure! Roll out of bed and go be cute in a Video. But if it costs you more out of pocket to do the video for free, then don't.

Now IF you just want to do Extras work for your resume, cool! But if the video comes out and we can't locate you anywhere, then what? You can't even use it for your reel!

You did the blah blah blah video...but ummm, uhhhh, errrrr, hmmmm...they edited you out, huh? Then was doing it for free worth it? Don't get me wrong! Folks get edited it out all the time. But why risk it for free? I'd rather you get paid to take that chance.

You feel me?

So THINK 1st before just accepting any free gig. If they offer "exposure", look up the word and decide if it's worth it. Besides…if there are paid Models on the video set but you are free labor, what does that say about you?

Aren't you important? Didn't the Casting say, "Models wanted"? Aren't you a Model? Weren't you Booked as well? Were you given a Call-time? Are you there to work? Then why can't you get paid too?

If the Producer, Director, AD, DP, Craft Services, Drivers, Props, Wardrobe, Hair, MUA, Lighting, Sound, and PAs get paid, why not YOU! Aren't YOU going to be on camera? Aren't you what the Casting was for? They needed Talent, right? So if they need you, they should pay you.

Let me tell you something else...

Everything costs money and in these hard economic times...it all costs even more!

Time is money. Electricity costs money. Gas costs money. Food costs money. Baby sitters cost money. Grooming costs money...and did I say TIME is money?

So if you doing these videos for free while the others eat, pay bills, fill up their tanks and get their hair and nails done, what do you get? Exposure?!?!

Fuck outta here!

So I said all that to say...it has to really be worth it. Don't let "The Thirst" have you jumping in videos all Willy Nilly. The Pros MUST absolutely outweigh the Cons.

Pause. Think. Assess the situation then examine yours. Then decide what's best for you.

The end.

C.