Sunday, September 15, 2013

Do You Want To Date Me Or Text me?


In response to @DrJayJack's SingleBlackMale.org post, "I Hate Talking On The Phone," I had to remix and run this blog post back...

Listen!

Let me get right to the point. I’m not a huge fan of text messaging. I don’t hate it, but it’s not my preferred method of communication. I use it when I can’t talk but I don’t use it to replace conversation or to conduct business. So if I’m busy and I MUST text back…I say it in quick text. I also may send a phone number or an address…give a quick update or eta…let someone know to check an email…let someone know I’ve arrived or tell someone my location in a party or at a game so they can find me.

I don’t have issues with informative texts like that because they are simple and to the point. Sometimes you can add a little smiley face to make it more personable or an LOL to ease the tension but otherwise…I don’t want to recap the entire night or give you a list of who showed up over text.

Bizreport.com reports that the average U.S. mobile phone subscriber now sends and receives more text messages than voice calls. Included in the research are typical U.S. teenagers who send and receive over 1,700 text messages per month.

So does this mean we should all keep up with what seems to be the “hip” and technologically savvy thing to do? Or are we falling behind when it comes to creating, developing and nurturing relationships?

Or are we just too busy to talk?

With Facebook, Twitter and other Social Media websites and Apps, it seems to me that people don’t want to talk! And God forbid someone calls you and you don’t pick up! Oy! Nowadays people won’t leave you a voice mail message but expect you to scroll thru your missed call log just in case none of your new calls bumped them off the list. But wait…what if they aren’t on the missed calls log? How would one know you called?

What annoys me even more is when someone texts me and I don’t reply…they then decide not to call only assuming that I got the text. So you don’t call? So instead of the inviting me over the phone or verbally telling me the story you were dying for me to hear…you send a text…wait 9 days then curse me out for not returning your text?

And what about when it comes to dating? I guess it all depends on how you met the person, right? Or doesn’t it? What are the new rules of communication when it comes to dating or being in a relationship? If you start off texting and I reply, does that mean I’ve given you license to never call me? I know a girl who NEVER spoke to the guy she was dating on the phone. Only time she heard his voice was when they saw each other. I have another friend who convinced herself that it’s easier to communicate with a guy thru text. Her words, “I learn more about guys via text messaging because most of the time they hold back on the phone.” I’m still laughing at one friend who used to swear by it but then after getting disappointed by her habitual texting male friends…she decided that enough was enough. Welcome Home, Liris :)

I’m not saying any of this is false nor am I co-signing it. I’m saying that sh*t doesn’t work for me…PERIOD. I tolerate it to a certain extent but yes, babe...I want to hear your voice. I did some research and found that I’m not alone.

ANONYMOUS 1: I HATE it when guys text me after I give them my number. It’s not a deal breaker but it does seem to send a message that either says he has few social skills, no courtesy, or no time. (Often all 3.) Once I've known him a bit I don't mind it, and actually often prefer it, but at first it’s kind of a put off.
ANONYMOUS 2: I rather talk to you than text you. Calling and talking is like a sign of confidence in my book. I broke up with a girl because all she did was text me even after we kind of gotten to know each other. I don't want to have an important conversation over text. And what if I didn’t get the text? Then what? You going to stare at the phone?
ANONYMOUS 3: Text if you're in a loud club and unable to hear and need to get in contact, but other than that, let her hear your voice.
ANONYMOUS 4: It's good to know that some people still believe in calling and I really think it’s a sign of sincerity. But seems like some people these days just rather do texting. But whatever. I'll play their stupid little game. Perhaps calling and talking has become an old fashioned thing, but something we still need to practice.
ANONYMOUS 5: My 15 year old niece is on a family plan with me. She has about 2800 text messages a month and uses very little phone time. She said that none of her friends email or call. They text and contact each other on Facebook.
ANONYMOUS 6: A guy that sends texts instead of making that initial call is a coward in my book. I'm not a phone person so I keep it short and sweet, but effort counts with me. Some idiot once kept messaging, trying to get ME to call HIM. Needless to say, I stopped responding after the 4th text and he was left wondering why. But he never called. Loser.
ANONYMOUS 7: A lady appreciates the extra effort it takes to text her…and being able to forward it to all her friends so they can laugh at the sender. LOL!
ANONYMOUS 8: I like the personal call. I'm just old school like that, but my peeps know I'm at work 60+ hours a week so they Text me most days and I sent a Voice file back. But if I were a personal with a normal 40 hr/week job, I'd expect you to be calling me and leaving clever little messages.
ANONYMOUS 9: Texting rather than calling seems to be a frequent phenomenon. If a girl can't be bothered to actually call me, though, I don't take her seriously and won't contact her again.
ANONYMOUS 10: If all else fails, grow a damn pair! Communicate with her how you damn feel like it and hopefully you’ll do it by calling. If that doesn’t match her ridic preferences, screw it, you keep going. Just do you. Any girl that is annoyed because you didn't ascertain the correct cryptic phone/texting ratio is not the one for you. Keep moving on. But if you like her that much and are interested enough to stress over this, call her. Why text her if she wants a call? You won’t get her that way. Idiot.
ANONYMOUS 11: Yeah what a habit....texting instead of calling. Sometimes text messages are not reliable, because sometimes we don't get them right away.
ANONYMOUS 12: Here’s an honest answer for you, folks who text don’t want to talk to you. If they like you like that, they will call.
ANONYMOUS 13: I used to talk to this one girl and because I wanted to try and be more gentlemanly, I would call her instead of texting. But most of the time she would not pick up and text me back like 30 mins later and start a convo there. WACK.
ANONYMOUS 14: Real men don't JUST text.
ANONYMOUS 15: I love the random texts to let me know he's thinking about me. But when it's time to catch up on our day or plan to see each other, I want to talk. Why is that bad?
ANONYMOUS 16: Late night texts are the best. I love sexting and her cute hello messages but I'm no dummy! I know she wants to hear my voice and I love how she sounds all happy and shit when I call. I can hear her smiling. So I make time to call.
ANONYMOUS 17: Texting made me hate talking but I still call because I know she wants me to. We do more over text but I can tell the difference when we talk. She likes it.
ANONYMOUS 18: Grown men don't talk on the phone? LOL. Grow up!
ANONYMOUS 19: I love to text and I love to talk on the phone. We can do both.
ANONYMOUS 20: There's no guarantee that I'll get your text, email, facebook or tweet. Call me.

And yes…these are answers from real people!
 
Now looka here...I’m not reprimanding anyone for their preferred method of communicating. I’m just sharing my thoughts. I don’t know how close we can get over text messaging but I guess one can say the same thing about Facebook and Twitter..unless you send DMs...ummm hmmm.

But it gives you the excuse not to ever pick up the phone, right? And you can send out mass Holiday shout outs with one text. And Facebook tells you when your friend’s birthdays are coming up so now you don’t even have to send out a card. When was the last time you got a birthday card in the mail? Thank GOD I still do. But I sent out a card to a habitual texter and he didn’t even call to say, thank you. He sent a text though ;)

TTYL!

CMJ

142 comments:

  1. I HATE TEXTING BUT THAT'S ALL THESE GUYS WANT TO DO.

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    1. Nah we want head and ass and if I gotta call you to get it and it will make you happy then I'm calling. Maybe you'll cook for me too. A nigga will call you daily. Don't lump us all in one fuck boi bunch, sis.

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    2. A Phi Jay, you must chill. LOL! But you're right, we shouldn't lump you all in one bunch.

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  2. I got so used to it that I don't know what's righht or wrong anymore.

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    1. Right is what makes you both happy. Wrong is not saying shit about what makes you unhappy.

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  3. I'm one of the anonymous! Lmao! Didn't know this is why you asked, Good job!

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    1. And of course I don't know who you are right now. LOL. But thank you for being one of the 20 :)

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  4. I want to date but I hate talking on the phone. What's the happy medium?

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    1. Call these hoes dawg. Sh'ell be happy and you will be less stressed.

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    2. Hoes?! Stahhhhhhhhhhhhp it. But yes, call us and we will be happy. A happier us means a less stressed YOU. (Hopefully)

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  5. of course I'm up reading your shit! and I have a 5am call time. That's love girl!

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  6. I'm anonymous #15! Call me don't text me :)

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  7. This was so long. But Like it. Thanks for sharing and yes I left a comment! See? And I hate text! HATE HATE HATE.

    Nori A.

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  8. This shit was so necessary. I don't understand these men nowadays! And we go along because it seems like the only way we'll get along. They don't want to talk and I don't think it's going to change.

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  9. I'm talking to this guy now and all he does is text and when I call him he sends me to voicemail and will text back, what's up. We never talk on the phone and I'll admit I don't like that but that's how they are doing it now. I don't think we can change it back to the way it was when people actually called and enjoyed hearing each others voice. I'm doing it because I feel like I have no choice. It's kinda sad actually.

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    1. Don't be sad! Tell him. Just be honest. If you feel strongly about him, you should let him know instead of being sad about it. :(

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  10. Ok I'm a man and I don't call. I'd call if the girl I liked wanted me to though. It's not a big deal. I'm just used to texting and getting texts back.

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  11. Can I curse on here? LOL!

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    1. YES...but now I'm scared. What did you want to say? haha!

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  12. I have so much to say that my head hurts. Let me sleep on this so I can comment fresh in the morning. And I hate text too.

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    1. LOL! Don't let it hurt your head. Say what you feel, guuuuuurl. Let it go.

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  13. Mark and yes I'm leaving my nameSeptember 16, 2013 at 1:34 AM

    " If you start off texting and I reply, does that mean I’ve given you license to never call me?"

    To that I think the answer is yes. You teach people how to treat you.

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  14. I'm in love with anonymous 16. Call me! LOL!

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  15. So cute! I love how you write. You're my friend in my head!

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  16. Not a doctor but I play one on tvSeptember 16, 2013 at 1:55 AM

    I think too many women bite their tongues. You sisters lost control. You don't like text but you text because we text you? Then don't text us. Tell us exactly what you don't like. If the guy likes you he'll pay attention and adjust. If he doesn't he'll move on to a chick who will allow him to have control. Something happened with dating and I'm not sure why and when the tides changed but it's pretty sad to see women dealing with and accepting behavior they won't address in fear of losing a man.

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    1. I 100% agree with you.

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    2. Closed mouth don't get fed. Stop giving us all this power.

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  17. Very good topic. It's all about communication. We are not talking to each other nor are we being honest on text. We need to come clean in regards to our wants and desires.

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  18. Not only do I hate text but I hate waiting for the responses. I would rather just pick up the phone or he pick up the phone to call.

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  19. I'm a woman who loves texting! But that doesn't mean that's all I want.

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  20. You mean all I gotta do is call you and you'll be happy? I hear you ladies! I do both but I always call to say hi and ask about your day. We're not all stubborn.

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  21. A man wrote a blog about how he hates talking on the phone? A straight man? WTF?

    I do what the ladies like and even if I didn't I'm not writing a blog about it. lmao. I'd talk to my niggas about it and we'd laugh in private and shit when we get together. But if you want me to call you I'm calling. See how easy that was? I don't know where these fellas come from but from my experience the happier the woman the happier you are. And I know some women hate talking on the phone too but it ain't the majority. I may have one female friend who hates to talk and only texts but the rest love to talk and want a man to listen. I'm here boos!

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    1. Dawg! That's all I'm saying. These fuck niggas gonna have these bitches suicidal. You see these comments? What nigga you know is gonna take a stance against some shit a woman who likes you wants you to do? I don't want no parts of that shit dawg. I'm calling. Fuck a text.

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    2. LOLOLOLOLOLOL! I'm hollering. Thank you fellas for the comments. Let me leave it right there. LOL!

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  22. Texting is cute but if you are really texting to get to know someone, phone calls and in person interactions are best. That way there isn't confusion or weird awkward typos, syntax errors, etc.

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  23. I am going through this right now. He wants to text entire conversations. I can't take it. I want to hear your voice, your laugh etc. it's a deal breaker. It is impersonal and I think it is insulting. I'm an analog gal in a digital age. oh well!!
    AGN aka NN

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    1. I'm here for you love. I'll call and fall asleep with you on the phone listening to slow jams in the background.

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    2. Please tell him this, AGN aka NN! And A phi Jay! You and your boo-loving on my blog! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

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  24. Female here...

    Non-Romantic Communication: Regularly I take calls/call people I want to talk to or need to talk to, at the very least. Admittedly, I ignore calls and shoot a "Sorry I'm caught up. Everything's good?" text 90% of the time because I reserve calls for people I enjoy entertaining. I reciprocate the courtesy by not calling folks unless its needed. You know, to not waste their time with mundane topics (I've been accused of being a chatty Kathy).

    Romantic Communication: Calls > texts. Hands down. I want to hear your voice and wonder why you mispronounce certain words, realize you have a tiny instance of a Caribbean accent when you get chatty or listen to you talk about nothing before I close my eyes for bed. They still call it "boo-loving," right? With that said, I'm not trying to hang on the phone with someone every single day. We aren't seriously involved with years under our belts. Let's hold a phone conversation a few times a week if possible. Texting here and there in-between isn't a crime, but I need my space. This is MY personal preference, not a general rule-of-thumb for women.

    Texting does have its place, but it's only for convenience--emails tend to take a while to send and is a place designated for winded conversations while texting reaches the person quickly without the expectation of long, detailed paragraphs. Drunk texts to the Ex are not included. Ugh.

    There is a time and place for every form mentioned, but to solely rely on one form of communication is a telling sign of what kind of person you're dealing with and what you mean to that person. We are living in an era that allows us the freedom to communicate in various methods. Toggle with all forms and use them accordingly to the situation and person when appropriate. Anything less is just a waste of time.

    I don't even know why this is even a topic. I thought this was common sense!

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    1. Incredible comment. Thank you so much for your honesty and transparency.

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  25. I'm noticing a pattern here. We text but women want to hear our voices/ Noted. Thanks Mocha.

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  26. I don't even understand how he could complain about talking on the phone if chicks want to talk on the phone! You mean to tell me I'll get less attitude,more cooperation and maybe more sex if I call versus text? Hell yeah I'm calling! I hear this from ladies all the time. I can't believe a nigga wrote a blog saying he hates the phone. Text your boys man not your girl.

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  27. If women want to be called,call them. Simple. Smh.

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  28. I rather text my friends but talk to my man.

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  29. I never pick up the phone until he calls. LOL. yeah I love text but I do love talking to guys on the phone. I just think it's a better way to get to know each other.

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  30. This was good! I got so used to texts that I would never pick up the phone. But the 1st time my boyfriend hit me up he called 1st and I smiled so hard. I remember that day. He and I text all the time now but we call too. We balance it out and it works. Thanks for sharing!

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  31. Oh I call bitches! Bitches love when you call. Just kidding! I do make the effort to call. I think it shows interest and women love the little things.

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  32. CALL ME DON'T TEXT ME.

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  33. I do think people would start to appreciate calls more if we texted less. Try it.

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  34. Can I share this on my facebook?

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  35. I hate talking on the phone unless it's someone I'm dating. I know that seems shady because I don't call friends and family either. We all text eachother but I love talking to my boyfriend. I love hearing his voice and want to hear him reacting to me and what I'm saying.

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  36. I enjoy your blog posts so much. This one is something I relate to. I don't really enjoy the phone talk so much because I feel like I can say more on text. But maybe that's an excuse I've made for myself. I do call women but It'll just be to confirm plans or say a quick hello. I get more out of text but I wouldn't say I hate the phone. I prefer text but if she prefers to talk to me I'm calling her.

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  37. Really? Grown ass fucking men writing about not talking on the phone on a website geared towards giving the male perspective to BITCHES? You know they want to talk but you telling them you hate to talk? What kind of irreversible reverse psychology bull shit is that? Does he like women? I don't give a fuck if talking on the phone makes my ass itch! If she wanna talk and it's leading to something good I'm calling her. Yall worried about the wrong things. Real niggas do shit to get the chicks not the opposite. Most of them I know do text but want the call. That's all Im sayin.

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    1. LOL! I can't with you! Thanks for always bringing the realness to my comments section. LOL!

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  38. All I'm saying is as men we need to pay more attention to these things. Women talk for a reason. We changing the game but making them unhappy in the process. That shit leads to headaches. Call them and stop writing shit that discourages them.

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    1. Thank you. Seriously. Thanks! I don't think the intention is to discourage, however. But based on a lot of responses and how a lot of women do feel, I'd say it is discouraging for sure. Don't think he was trying to be malicious tho.

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  39. LOL! Cute, claudia!

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  40. BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  41. I agree with most the people who left comments. And we women should communicate are likes and dislikes more effectively.

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  42. I've been waiting for a new post from you. This is good! I don't really talk on the phone and haven't met one guy who calls. None of them call for me to even say that I hate or love the phone. Maybe if they called I'd love it. Right now I text everyone except my mom.

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  43. YOU AND YOUR LONG POSTS! HAHAHAHAHA! THIS IS GOOD THO MAMMA. GOOD SHIT THESE MEN NEED TO TAKE HEED. STOP TEXTING ME! CALL ME SOME TIME AND SEE HOW I AM. CALL TO SAY HI. CALL TO MAKE PLANS. CALL JUST BECAUSE. CALL!

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  44. We're just going to have to deal with the fact that times have changed. The only way you'll get a call is if it's an emergency or you make it very clear that you do not like text or prefer to talk on the phone. Nowadays people assume that you'd rather text and since no one says anything against it, it keeps going.

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  45. I'd say men hate talking on the phone more than woman. Either way if you really like someone calling shouldn't be a big deal at all.

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  46. You can complain about how things are or you can learn how to navigate the terrain. Don't be someone who's ego is so stuck to a phone call that you'll miss the obvious text that someone is sending you trying to schedule a date.

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    1. No way. I don't think these chicks are ignoring texts so much as they prefer us to call. Ain't about ego it's about those damn little things they keep talking about. Don't let your ego get in the way of someone who really wants to get to know you and would rather do it with something as simple as a call.

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    2. Stuck on a phone call? Ego? I think you should look in the mirror. Don't be so stubborn that you refuse to pick up a phone, the same phone you use to text so it isn't far from your hands. Don't you miss the obvious sign that maybe texting isn't the only way to do it.

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    3. To lose a girl over a text seems even dumber. I don't think it's ego either. You want the date, call her. Texts aren't guaranteed either like homegirl said in the blog.

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  47. I hate talking on the phone but females will tell you about their whole day in a text. 50 texts in a row is too much so I'll pick up the phone and call or tell her to call me. The tone is different on the phone. It won't be so rushed and she'll be calmer. So i'll adnmit it for peace of mind and because I know it may be easier for her to tell me the story instead of texting it i'll call or have her call.

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    1. I've been sending multi-texts lately but I'm also a caller. The other reason I may send the multi-texts is because I may not be in the position to talk, (loud place, people around, no privacy, etc.) plus I have to get whatever it is off my chest right then and there. I'm cool with the late night, "What'chu doing" texts too. Comfortable in the bed, just want to say what's up...cool. But the majority of the time, I would prefer talking face to face or on the phone. I want to hear his voice and his laughter.

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  48. I read that Dr jack article post and he's whack. And I felt like he talked at women instead of talking to us. There's a reason we like affection, touch.., eye contact and phone calls. We are women and mostly sensitive and nurturing creatures. There's not much that goes into a text. damn I wish guys didn't feel like it was a war against us all the time. I can't believe preferring a call can spark such a debate.

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  49. Call me! Don't text me unless it's something quick or hello. Let's talk and get to know each other.

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  50. So many rules when it comes to dating! Why can't guys just call, women text back and we get what we both want? People make things more difficult than it needs to be. If she wants you to call, call her and if he texts, respond. Both can happen and we all can be happy.

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  51. Honestly, I wouldn't mind a bit of both. But, I think that when your trying to date someone I think its always best you start off with a phone call. How you trying to date someone but yet all you doing is texting? I had to block some guy off my whatsapp because all he did was text, text and text.

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  52. This debate is silly. Pick up the phone and call and stop being boys and birds.

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  53. Some of these comments funnier than the post. Lmao

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  54. What's the big deal with calling? texts are cool and easy but if she wants a call why can't you call? I apologize on behalf of my gender ladies. I'll call you if that's what will make you happy.

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    1. Apology accepted! I think some of your boys find it more convenient. Some are just lazy. Hopefully no one is being intentionally malicious.

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  55. I won't hold it against him if he texts and prefers texts as long that's not the only way we communicate.

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  56. We don't talk anymore! Thats the problem!

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  57. This is really good! I see you miss jean! Thanks for bringing this up. We need to put the phones down all together and talk more.

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  58. Anonymity aint never hurt nobodySeptember 17, 2013 at 2:36 PM

    I like how you asked real people their opinions and used them in your blog post. Like mine. Anonymous 16. Thanks Claudia. Good job.

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  59. I think both ways can work. We just take it too far sometimes. Balance and communication is key. Great topic and discussion!

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  60. Very well thought out and written.

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  61. Honestly, a lot of women prefer a call. Let's not pretend like we don't know this.

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  62. I'm the opposite. I text for business but call friends and family. My friends and I have too much to say for it to be done over text.

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  63. I'm tired of men and women being on such different pages. Even when we communicate it's a fucking problem. Even when we're clear its a fucking problem. Relationships shouldn't be so hard.

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  64. Why all these people anonymous? Whats the big deal? I like to do both. text and call. I don't have time to talk all the time and texting is easier but I make time to talk to who I want to talk to and I know it's appreciated.

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  65. I don't like text but none of my friends talk on the phone. I only do it because no one ever picks up.

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  66. This is a great topic to bring up amongst friends. I'm going to use this at my next gathering. As for my opinion, I rather get a call than get a text from a guy I'm dating or trying to date.

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  67. Go off! I'm tired of these niggas texting! FOH!

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  68. I don't mind texting but if he only texts and never calls me, I'm thinking he's really not that into me.

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  69. I'm not sure what the big deal is. If you want to get to know her, pick up the phone and call her.

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  70. What a wonderful idea to actually pick up the phone and CALL!

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  71. Good article and valid points!

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  72. Texting isn't bad. It just depends on how you use it. I don't think serious or long conversations should be conducted over text and if a female prefers being called then the texts should be for necessity only.

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  73. You're such a truth teller!

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  74. This doesn't need to be a debate. If she likes calls and you like her, call her. If he prefers text, do it every now and then but make sure you tell him how you feel about calls and texts.

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  75. I enjoyed reading this and everyone's point of view. I say more talking less texting.

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  76. About time someone said something! Stop all the texting all the damn time. Pick up the phone!

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  77. I hate texting. I do it but hate it. When I say something guys think I'm high maintenance. But how am I high maintenance when I want to hear your voice?

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  78. I like your point of view and I'm taking notes.

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  79. Ok I'm not mad at this. Ladies have spoken and I"m definitely listening! As long as you can express yourselves without spazzing out, we good. This is not a bad topic or something we men can't adjust to.

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  80. Yesssssssssssssssssssss miss jean! I like how direct you are but sill mature and fair. Good blog!

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  81. Great topic of discussion. I admit that i text all the time but I love hearing my honey's voice. We talk. Everyone else gets bombarded with texts.

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  82. AphiJay is funny! The comments are funny but educational.

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  83. Anonymous #16!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  84. Haha! I like the ending. Did you reply to his thank you text?

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