Do You Want To Date Me Or Text me?

In response to @DrJayJack's SingleBlackMale.org post, "I Hate Talking On The Phone," I had to remix and run this blog post back...

Listen!

Let me get right to the point. I’m not a huge fan of text messaging. I don’t hate it, but it’s not my preferred method of communication. I use it when I can’t talk but I don’t use it to replace conversation or to conduct business. So if I’m busy and I MUST text back…I say it in quick text. I also may send a phone number or an address…give a quick update or eta…let someone know to check an email…let someone know I’ve arrived or tell someone my location in a party or at a game so they can find me.

I don’t have issues with informative texts like that because they are simple and to the point. Sometimes you can add a little smiley face to make it more personable or an LOL to ease the tension but otherwise…I don’t want to recap the entire night or give you a list of who showed up over text.

Bizreport.com reports that the average U.S. mobile phone subscriber now sends and receives more text messages than voice calls. Included in the research are typical U.S. teenagers who send and receive over 1,700 text messages per month.

So does this mean we should all keep up with what seems to be the “hip” and technologically savvy thing to do? Or are we falling behind when it comes to creating, developing and nurturing relationships?

Or are we just too busy to talk?

With Facebook, Twitter and other Social Media websites and Apps, it seems to me that people don’t want to talk! And God forbid someone calls you and you don’t pick up! Oy! Nowadays people won’t leave you a voice mail message but expect you to scroll thru your missed call log just in case none of your new calls bumped them off the list. But wait…what if they aren’t on the missed calls log? How would one know you called?

What annoys me even more is when someone texts me and I don’t reply…they then decide not to call only assuming that I got the text. So you don’t call? So instead of the inviting me over the phone or verbally telling me the story you were dying for me to hear…you send a text…wait 9 days then curse me out for not returning your text?

And what about when it comes to dating? I guess it all depends on how you met the person, right? Or doesn’t it? What are the new rules of communication when it comes to dating or being in a relationship? If you start off texting and I reply, does that mean I’ve given you license to never call me? I know a girl who NEVER spoke to the guy she was dating on the phone. Only time she heard his voice was when they saw each other. I have another friend who convinced herself that it’s easier to communicate with a guy thru text. Her words, “I learn more about guys via text messaging because most of the time they hold back on the phone.” I’m still laughing at one friend who used to swear by it but then after getting disappointed by her habitual texting male friends…she decided that enough was enough. Welcome Home, Liris :)

I’m not saying any of this is false nor am I co-signing it. I’m saying that sh*t doesn’t work for me…PERIOD. I tolerate it to a certain extent but yes, babe...I want to hear your voice. I did some research and found that I’m not alone.

ANONYMOUS 1: I HATE it when guys text me after I give them my number. It’s not a deal breaker but it does seem to send a message that either says he has few social skills, no courtesy, or no time. (Often all 3.) Once I've known him a bit I don't mind it, and actually often prefer it, but at first it’s kind of a put off.
ANONYMOUS 2: I rather talk to you than text you. Calling and talking is like a sign of confidence in my book. I broke up with a girl because all she did was text me even after we kind of gotten to know each other. I don't want to have an important conversation over text. And what if I didn’t get the text? Then what? You going to stare at the phone?
ANONYMOUS 3: Text if you're in a loud club and unable to hear and need to get in contact, but other than that, let her hear your voice.
ANONYMOUS 4: It's good to know that some people still believe in calling and I really think it’s a sign of sincerity. But seems like some people these days just rather do texting. But whatever. I'll play their stupid little game. Perhaps calling and talking has become an old fashioned thing, but something we still need to practice.
ANONYMOUS 5: My 15 year old niece is on a family plan with me. She has about 2800 text messages a month and uses very little phone time. She said that none of her friends email or call. They text and contact each other on Facebook.
ANONYMOUS 6: A guy that sends texts instead of making that initial call is a coward in my book. I'm not a phone person so I keep it short and sweet, but effort counts with me. Some idiot once kept messaging, trying to get ME to call HIM. Needless to say, I stopped responding after the 4th text and he was left wondering why. But he never called. Loser.
ANONYMOUS 7: A lady appreciates the extra effort it takes to text her…and being able to forward it to all her friends so they can laugh at the sender. LOL!
ANONYMOUS 8: I like the personal call. I'm just old school like that, but my peeps know I'm at work 60+ hours a week so they Text me most days and I sent a Voice file back. But if I were a personal with a normal 40 hr/week job, I'd expect you to be calling me and leaving clever little messages.
ANONYMOUS 9: Texting rather than calling seems to be a frequent phenomenon. If a girl can't be bothered to actually call me, though, I don't take her seriously and won't contact her again.
ANONYMOUS 10: If all else fails, grow a damn pair! Communicate with her how you damn feel like it and hopefully you’ll do it by calling. If that doesn’t match her ridic preferences, screw it, you keep going. Just do you. Any girl that is annoyed because you didn't ascertain the correct cryptic phone/texting ratio is not the one for you. Keep moving on. But if you like her that much and are interested enough to stress over this, call her. Why text her if she wants a call? You won’t get her that way. Idiot.
ANONYMOUS 11: Yeah what a habit....texting instead of calling. Sometimes text messages are not reliable, because sometimes we don't get them right away.
ANONYMOUS 12: Here’s an honest answer for you, folks who text don’t want to talk to you. If they like you like that, they will call.
ANONYMOUS 13: I used to talk to this one girl and because I wanted to try and be more gentlemanly, I would call her instead of texting. But most of the time she would not pick up and text me back like 30 mins later and start a convo there. WACK.
ANONYMOUS 14: Real men don't JUST text.
ANONYMOUS 15: I love the random texts to let me know he's thinking about me. But when it's time to catch up on our day or plan to see each other, I want to talk. Why is that bad?
ANONYMOUS 16: Late night texts are the best. I love sexting and her cute hello messages but I'm no dummy! I know she wants to hear my voice and I love how she sounds all happy and shit when I call. I can hear her smiling. So I make time to call.
ANONYMOUS 17: Texting made me hate talking but I still call because I know she wants me to. We do more over text but I can tell the difference when we talk. She likes it.
ANONYMOUS 18: Grown men don't talk on the phone? LOL. Grow up!
ANONYMOUS 19: I love to text and I love to talk on the phone. We can do both.
ANONYMOUS 20: There's no guarantee that I'll get your text, email, facebook or tweet. Call me.

And yes…these are answers from real people!
 
Now looka here...I’m not reprimanding anyone for their preferred method of communicating. I’m just sharing my thoughts. I don’t know how close we can get over text messaging but I guess one can say the same thing about Facebook and Twitter..unless you send DMs...ummm hmmm.

But it gives you the excuse not to ever pick up the phone, right? And you can send out mass Holiday shout outs with one text. And Facebook tells you when your friend’s birthdays are coming up so now you don’t even have to send out a card. When was the last time you got a birthday card in the mail? Thank GOD I still do. But I sent out a card to a habitual texter and he didn’t even call to say, thank you. He sent a text though ;)

TTYL!

CMJ