Encouragement...

Encourage. verb. To inspire with courage, spirit, or confidence. To stimulate by assistance, approval. To promote or foster.

Encourage/Encouragement. (Important for growth, self esteem and motivation.)

Believe me when I tell you!

I had a bad morning because I needed some encouragement. But it was no where to be found. I used to get encouragement on a daily basis from my mother and my dude who also helped me start my Casting bizness...They're both gone and so are the daily encouraging messages I'd get thru calls, emails, letters, cards, face to face interaction and etc.

But I encourage though! (And pay it forward.)

I'm constantly cheerleader-ring, making introductions, being the 'ride or die' friend and listener when an ear is needed. But what some people don't understand is even those who appear strong have weak moments.

We need encouragement too!

Unfortunately I don't get that anymore! Or not as often as I'd like....just occasional congrats sometimes followed by a favor asked or silent Hate from Frenemies. But I keep encouraging anyway! And even though I can't be everything to and for everyone...I bust my ass trying!

Encouragement! It's so uplifting! Motivating! Life-changing! Mood-curing! 

Sometimes the difference between life and death...

So do me a favor and go encourage someone. Please! Do it all week if you can. Make it an act of kindness. 

Encourage someone today. I'm sooooooo serious...

Holla at your peeps who may be stuck in a rut or can't seem to execute an idea.

Encourage them.

It can be as simple as sending them a link to an article or discussing their dreams, aspirations, goals, fears or nitemares.

Encourage them.

Sometimes it's not a job, an introduction, money or sex. It's a hug, a call, you being available to listen or your words of encouragement.

Believe me!

Encouragement has a direct effect on success whether personal or professional.  We need it and yes...I need it.

Maybe I'm a bit needier lately because my 2 main encouragers are no longer here in the physical sense...But for what they've done for me...I do for others. And I go hard!

Harrrrrrrd mi seh!

But I'm human...and just like we need water, food, oxygen, light and love...we, us, they, you and I need Encouragement.

Now go!

*Hugs and Nuff Love*

Claudia Mocha Jean

Before you get SCAMMED...

 Agents, Managers, & Casting v. Shopping Mall Scammers by Paul Russell  

(@PaulRussellCstg on Twitter.com)

I must be screaming in the wind. Or there are many willfully-deaf actors bumbling through their bank accounts seeding dead presidents to persons and `companies' that are nothing more than hogs feasting on the hopes of the actor aspirants.

Too, too often I receive e-mails from past students who write that they received an invitation for representation but only if that actor takes classes with said `agency'. And often I encounter `actors' who boast they received their representation, `acting learnin', and headshots all in a one-stop shop via a mall kiosk in Paramus, NJ….

I authored numerous chapters on the subject of agents, managers, and casting in ACTING: Make It Your Business. Not wanting to irk my fingers, grey cells or the readers with redundancy pulled from that Random House title; a brief, new, reminder.

It's time to scream once more into the gales about this.

What's `this'?
Who is a talent agent? What is a talent manager? What is casting? Who and what are individuals who claim to be agents, managers and/or casting from which you should run your artisan ass away.

Casting:

Casting offices represent producers. Casting does not represent talent. Every day I get e-mails from actors that read similar to; `I wants be reppd by you as new talunt." (Another dose of anesthesia to the Paul Russell table please.)

Legitimate casting offices do not charge actors to audition for projects. Casting offices can and may hold classes which broaden an actor's skill and/or perspective but those classes are never to be deemed as auditions for casting. (It's the short-sighted actor that thinks differently and often overlooks the long-term goals gained via a casting office's classes.)

There is no governing union for casting. So to those actors who think that sending-off a virulent missive to the Casting Society of America (C.S.A.) about how a casting director who only gave you three minutes instead of four for your cow-costumed audition… you're wasting your time.

I never joined C.S.A. because the organization is not a bargaining collective. I.E. you pay a membership fee to C.S.A. and in-return receive newsletters and a yearly invite to an awards dinner. There's no `union' representation as to our work conditions and pay rates. I'm not forfeiting four figures to join a club that congratulates itself yearly on talent herding. Casting directors don't hire the chosen actors. Casting directors assemble the talent for our clients to cast from. Reason why I often say, "I'm glorified human resources."

Talent Agents:

For a person to hold the title of `agent' who represents an actor the agent must be:

Franchised by the unions (Screen Actors Guild, Actors' Equity Association, and AFTRA). Once franchised the agent can then represent both union and non-union talent. If an `agent' is not franchised; they're not an agent they're a manager or shopping mall scam. (Go to Auntie Annes for a pretzel. You'll be much happier.)

In New York, LA and other major U.S. cities agents are required by some of the unions to have a union-approved office (meaning a SAG representative visits and gives the agent's work space a `yea' or `nay') that has a waiting area for the actors and access to clean toilet facilities. If an `agent' has neither an office nor toilet for the actor, or office space has not been approved by SAG; they are not an agent they're a manager or shopping mall kiosk scam. (Visit The Piercing Pagoda for a new hole; you'll feel not as incomplete.)

Franchised agents cannot offer classes directly to their clients as an agreement term for representation. If an `agent' demands such; they're allegedly a willful modeling `agency' of Philadelphia, a manager, or a shopping mall kiosk scam. (Shuffle to the Apple store and further debt yourself by grabbing the newest I-Phone; you'll feel superior over your CrackBerry devotees.)

Agents can only collect 10% of your salary on individual projects that are deemed commission-able by the unions. If an `agent' asks you for 20% of your earnings from either performance and/or civilian wages they're allegedly a Mary Contrary `agency' of Philadelphia, a manager or a shopping mall kiosk scam. (Stroll to Nordstrom; another Jimmie or Madden pairing will keep the two dozen others in your crammed closet from feeling neglected.)

Agents can not require or request of their clients fees for:

Office supplies
Web-site inclusion
Yearly/Monthly membership

Agents can recommend preference of photographers but they can not insist an actor-client have headshots taken by a particular photographer. Nor can an `agent' insist your headshots, which you pay for, be taken by his assistant (who happens to be a headshot photographer… isn't that just special). Allegedly this questionable practice has been festering for far too many decades at a NY talent rep's office named for a King.

Talent Managers:

Can do whatever they want and take whatever they will of which you sign-over in your contract with the manager. (This is where your grammar school English teacher test-trick of `read-the-entire-test-before-starting-to-discover-that-you-needn't-take-the-exam-because-the-last-test-question-tells-you-not-to-take-the-test' comes into adult play.) Read before engaging damn it.
Shopping Mall `You Can Be A Star' Kiosks:

Provide rental income to shopping center developers.

They also provide `actors' with depleted savings in return for headshots no better than a Hicksville High, U.S.A. senior portrait. Also often included as a `representation' requirement are acting classes taken with a teacher who may believe taffeta is appropriate audition wear for the role of a lawyer defending a homicidal ballerina.

Why do `actors' get taken in by the scammer-employed, bored looking teenage girls milling about a shopping mall kiosk who are only to be moderately engaged in duty as they flatly shout out to passersby under twenty-five, "You a movie star?! You a model, right?' Because the `actor' is an idiot. They'd also go to the Garden State Plaza in Paramus seeking a personal injury lawyer from Johnny Rockets.

Why do so many abuses of actors exist? Because industrious interlopers of our trade know that there is a large percentage of `artistes' who believe cash, instead of long term labor, can bring instant rewards. Ain't gonna happen folks. Just ain't.

If you believe differently; do me a favor. Stop reading this but not until you visit PayPal and transfer a thousand dollars into my coffers. My repeated advisories here, in ACTING: Make It Your Business and in person don't seem to be enlightening your delusions. Maybe a loss from your savings with nothing provided in return might raise a modicum of awareness as to what and who is legitimate versus the fraudulent.

I would hope this the last of this type of advisory found here at Answers for Actors. We've all had enough of `actors' thinking they can find fame via unscrupulous individuals who demand monies in exchange for false promises. Enough. Finis. No mas. Kaputt. ¿Comprende?

(Was that a pulmonary surgeon yesterday offering same-day procedures at his kiosk in the Willowbrook Mall? Hmmmm.)

http://answersforactors.wordpress.com/

Untitled

When the pursuit of paper mutes your voice or changes your opinion, you are officially a rich puppet-Paul Porter

I remember the day he first yelled at me. It was stupid and it was in front of everyone as if I had committed a crime and needed a jury of my peers to witness him verbally cut my throat. I took my shoes off in the office. I didn’t walk around shoeless.  I didn’t put my feet up in a relaxing manner. I took my shoes off, placed them by my feet at the table I was sitting at and kept working. He became enraged! He called in crew, Production Management, and other Creatives like myself to listen to his speech on being ”professional” in the office, respecting everyone’s space and not becoming so comfortable as to take off your shoes “like Claudia” and think it’s ok. 

If the speech ended there, I would have just taken it as a loss and not thought twice about it. My shoes went back on my feet and I stayed working. But nooooo…he kept it going for what felt like eons about how disgusted he was and made sure my name was at the end of every sentence. I still continued my work but with a stone cold face. I looked around the room at others who seemed more annoyed than shocked at his rant. At that moment I got a discreet Instant Message from someone in the room.

 

“Oh shit, you’re now on his shit list. Just be prepared because it goes down-hill from here. And don’t take it personally. He’s an asshole who needs his ass beat.”

Ok?!

Well the messenger was right and the instant messages, emails, and after-hours calls were heavy between many of us in the office. But it wasn’t just about me! This guy made everyone’s job and life for the duration of the project mi-se-ra-ble. It was to a point where no one spoke around him unless spoken to. Production Staff would eat their breakfast in the restrooms to avoid being seen by him. A Crew Head would agree with something he said that was off the wall or completely incorrect JUST to avoid a lengthy discussion then would wish him death when we’d get on the elevator. When we’d wrap for the day, folks would haul ass to avoid running into him for any reason at all.

What kind of leader is this? I’ve been in the Entertainment Industry since the age of 16 and have never come across anyone so vile. He is a human Cancer. A piece of shit. The opposite of a mentor. A person who cheers on negativity and hopes for your worse. Every word he spoke was condescending, rude and inhuman…and he was our boss. One Production Head called him, “The Devil’s hero.”  This wasn’t good.

Once during an event he WENT OFF about how one of the crew members hung up a sign we used for production. He then decided to call everyone from the crew on walkie-talkie to meet him at the sign but called her last. We could not figure out what was wrong with the sign and no one could get to her quickly enough to warn her about him being upset.  In front of everyone he asked her to tell him what was wrong with the sign. She looked at all of us but we didn’t know! (And we couldn’t save her.) He asked her multiple times as she held back tears during the grueling interrogation. He then pointed out that the sign was hung up with black tape and how it was completely and utterly unacceptable and looked “Ghetto.”

Mouths dropped. He yelled to a point where strangers stopped to gawk. He used enough expletives to make you think she had stolen his per diem. Then when he was done, he walked away. Some of us lined up to hug her. My blood pressure raised. I wanted out.

Day after day after day this man made a job that was supposed to be a great gig into the absolute worst Production experience I’ve had in my life…and I’ve worked in hostile environments before! I’ve worked around cursing. I’ve been sexually harassed. I've been called a Bitch twice and even threw a chair once...but this job was killing me slowly. This dude was the epitome of evil.

Now don’t get me wrong...I realize that people, even supervisors, don’t owe you pleasantries. Pleasantries are not required, not part of Labor Laws and are not owed to you. But what about RESPECT? What about being treated like a Human being? What happened to showing a subordinate the right way to do things instead of embarrassing the shit out of them until they wish death upon you? Who wants that?

He once yelled at a crew member for not answering an email he sent at 4am. But he didn’t just question the crew member's ability to read and respond. Ohhhhhh nooooo! He questioned his parents' choice of where they sent him to school and whether or not he may have needed a tutor to come on set who could teach him how to read emails and respond back in a timely manner. (That’s a lot, right?) So because he didn’t read and respond to the email at 4am, his parents weren’t shit, his degree isn’t worth shit and he went as far as asking him if he needs a tutor???

Whoah! Time the Fuck out!

I started to hate him. HATE is indeed a strong word and an often misused emotion but I was fed up. I didn’t know if I was going to snap one day, call the police, have the police called on me, get fired or walk out…but every day I felt like all of the above were going to happen. Then when I too wished death upon him, I knew it was my time. It was no longer fun. My body was aching, head was hurting and I hated him. The promises that were made to me upon my being hired did not come thru. I was asked to work an extra day at no additional pay. I had an immediate Supervisor who not only threw me under the bus to save his ass on a daily, but who told me he didn’t want to manage our team and was only interested in getting HIS work done. Well Damn. Who could I turn to at that point?

One night I called my older sister crying hysterically. I told her how I was miserable. I told her about being disrespected on a daily basis. I told her I worked for a man who admitted his “hate” for Black women and who used the words "NIGGERS" and "BLACK BITCHES" all willy nilly around an office filled with mixed company. I told her my “unprofessional” shoe removal story and how the very next day, he went to sleep on the couch, in the middle of the office snoring like a 10 thousand pound gorilla. I told her about how he changed my name from Claudia to BONEQUISHA and SHAQUISHA and how I refused to respond.

The last straw came when he cursed me out on set for wanting to move his back-pack that was crushing one of my Props it was sitting on top of. Then later he asked me, the only woman on set, to carry the same back-pack that was so heavy I leaned forward like I had Scoliosis. Male members of staff watched me struggle with the bag, afraid they'd get in trouble just for assisting me. He eventually snatched it from me so hard that he not only knocked me down, but grabbed some of my skin in the process. He gave no apology nor did he help me up. That was it! I hated him and I was done.

My sister then asked me how much money I was making. I told her. Her response was, “HOW MUCH?” All I could imagine was her eyes opened really wide because of the amount. It wasn’t small, but to me it was not worth it. I’ve heard of paying dues but this was ridiculous. And at this point in my career, I shouldn’t feel desperate for any gig, right? Desperate enough to allow this type of disrespect? And being a Bully to me and other members of our crew is not my idea of a good leader.You feel me?

I didn’t know what advice my sister was going to give me. And since she’s an attorney, she is well trained in office battles. She’s always been known as the strong one. (So strong that even from her death bed, my mother said she didn’t want to die in front of me but knew my sister could take it.) So what did my sister advise? She told me to stay until I got booked for another gig. Some of my friends and colleagues said the same thing, but at that point I just wanted out and I wanted my credit. Fuck him.

In the beginning I knew my work would speak for itself but when my work started to suffer because I didn’t care anymore, I just didn’t care anymore! I stopped using pleasantries. When he would enter the room I wouldn’t scram like others did nor did I go out of my way to speak. I ignored him on some days, “talked back” on others, and began to just do the minimum work required to stay afloat and collect a check.

But that isn’t why I decided to work in Entertainment! For a check? If most of us Creatives worked for just a check, we wouldn’t work in our fields. Creative people are already stressed, especially freelancers who work from gig to gig and often check to check… if the client pays on time. Who needs the added stress? How can you give your 100% if the environment you work in doesn’t allow you to?

Here’s a better question….when you decide enough is enough, does it make you weak or make you strong for walking away? On my last day he told me that “maybe” I didn’t have the “stomach” for the job.

LOL!  No Negro…I don’t have the stomach for you!

Sooooo…are others who work with him show after show stronger than those of us who vowed never to work with him again?  Are those who ride his waves more likely to succeed in this business because they dealt with him under his conditions? Can’t I be viewed as strong for NOT wanting to work with him or anyone like him? And whyyyyyyyyy do people like him progress?  Don’t nice people make good TV?

I don’t have any solid answers which is one of the main reasons I wrote this blog post. Honestly, there may not be a wrong or right answer to any of it.  But strength should not be defined by how high you get people to jump or how many times you can take a punch. And there’s more value in how people respond to you positively rather than how much they fear you.

But one thing I do know for sure is neither a check nor a credit makes abuse feel better...and neither does silence. 

Unabbreviated, Unashamed, Unbroken...Untitled.

Claudia Jean

Overcoming Stage Fright When Speaking, Auditioning or Performing

Attention Actors! Here are a few ways to overcome Stage Fright when speaking, auditioning, or performing; As told by ActingCareerStartup.com, Michael Bresciani and guess who else? Meeeee...Claudia Jean:

Practice: Unless you're completely prepared, you would feel nervous and maybe even flip out on stage. So practice until you know it by heart. Make notes and read the words over and over. Practice in front of your family and your friends. Practice in front of the mirror. Watch your tone and your manners. Try different styles and patterns of speaking. It'll give you confidence so you hopefully won't flip out on stage.

Public Solitude: If you really want to get over Stage Fright, try a concept called, Public Solitude. Public Solitude is feeling comfortable in any situation, being able to block out everything around you, and focusing solely on being the character you are interpreting or on your scene partner. This exercise and acting classes in general will help you to feel more comfortable in front of people while performing.

Prayer or Meditation: If you're a believer, you can pray! If you're not...at least take time to clear your mind and meditate. A short prayer to guide you and give you the right words can't hurt. Obviously you have to do this before you speak or you might find yourself praying in the middle of your presentation for a higher being to get you out of it as quickly as possible! Do not overlook this little gem because although it seems unimportant, it can actually be what makes or breaks your performance or presentation.

Relax: Ease tension by doing exercises and stretches. Simple push-ups on the wall can work wonders but you can also do other things like practicing your smile and stretching your face muscles. Don't forget to stretch those neck muscles too. Oops did I mention deep breathing? Breathe deeply before you go in and visualize yourself being brilliant. How confident will you be while you are performing? You know your lines. You know what you have to do. You are in the character. You feel it! You can see that you feel what you are acting! You are confident and you will be brilliant. So reeeeeeeeeeeeelax!

Concentrate Only On what Your Doing or Saying: Find something to focus on in the room. If you're concentrating on some external matter, your attention is divided and everyone will see that.100% of your attention on your subject, your music or anything else leaves 0% wasted on fear, faces in the room, and nerves. It also goes without saying that you should never give too much attention to time. If you're in a hurry, it shows a lack of confidence...if you go over your time, you must be approaching expert levels in your field. Take that as an unspoken compliment.

Ask Yourself One Single Question: Before you begin speaking ask yourself one important question: Who in this entire audience could do or say what I am doing or saying? If you consider the answer very carefully you'll always arrive at the same answer which is, "few to none." The bottom line is that you have to believe that no one can say or do what you are saying or doing...so just get on with it. Waste no time on what anyone thinks. If they could do what you are doing they would be on the stage and you'd be in the audience.

Get Emotional: If your monologue doesn't move you, it won't move anyone else either. This is an inarguable rule of presentation. If you're singing your interpretation of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, pour yourself into it and saaaaaaang! If you're speaking about the habits of a wild animal in the jungle, be animated...do it with gestures and body movements! Ridiculous you say? Think again! Try it! You'll like it.

Use Humor: Not everyone is good at telling jokes and humorous stories but almost everyone knows at least one or two good ones. Nothing breaks the ice quicker than humor. If you get them laughing early, you've already invoked at least one basic human emotional response...and provoking others will be a great deal easier from then on. Think of the jokes you've heard others say recently. Pick a joke or story that's somewhat related to what you're presenting. And do NOT pick jokes that you alone think are funny. Use jokes that you've seen bringing others to a belly laugh. Use humor that has worked in the public domain. But don't overdue the humor angle because people can recognize filler material very easily.

Get Personal: You must get a rapport going with any audience on the personal level. How can you do that? Take a cue from the stand up comedian or the storyteller. They ask mundane questions and they wait for someone to answer or acknowledge it with a gesture or murmur. Where are you from, any one here from New York? Hey, does it ever stop raining here in Washington. Let me see how many of you are here tonight; if you're here raise your hand. For those of you that didn't raise your hand I have a question, where the heck are you? Sounds silly? It is! But it works.

See The Crowd As Only One Person: No science is available to prove how or why this little tool works, but be assured it will never fail. Always speak to the audience as if you were talking to only one single person. It makes them feel that you are being very personal with each individual, they can feel the difference. It shrinks the crowd on a perceptional level for you. Remember that perception is often the better part of reality. It moves the entire matter to a one-on-one. Who wouldn't admit that they are more comfortable talking to their neighbor or some stranger but not a whole crowd? Approach your performance or address as if you were doing just that and you will succeed.

Don't apologize: If you mention your nervousness or apologize for any problems you think you have with your presentation, you may be calling the audience's attention to something they may not have noticed. Keep silent. Remember...if you point to the sweat, they will see it!

Stay Positive: If you're serious about wanting to know how to get over Stage Fright and at the same time you tell yourself before you go into the audition or during any performance things like; "I hope I don't mess up, I hope I don't get nervous. I hope I don't forget anything. I hope I don't freeze in front of the group.", you are putting yourself in a position to think about what you don't want. Your imagination will go there and recreate that image of all those negative things you keep telling yourself. Your focus is on the wrong things! You wanted to know how to get over Stage Fright, so now you know what you have to do! What kinds of things will you tell yourself the next time you go into a performance or an audition? Positive things! Good things! You will give a great performance! You will be very comfortable in front of your audience! See yourself doing that. When you talk like that to yourself, you'll feel your posture change. You will stand tall with your shoulders back and chin up if you really feel it and believe it. So BE confident and FEEL confident and you will BE the best that you can be. 

Good luck and get booked! 

Compromise….A Dirty Little Sneaky Word

So is it me or do men compromise much less when it comes to who they choose as a mate? And women often settle or give in, don’t we?

Seems like more and more of my girlfriends are settling or sacrificing their wants and desires for fear of being alone, they feel pressures from society, or they get Jedi Mind-tricked into believing that if you’re a “single woman”, that means something MUST be wrong with YOU.

And what about that word COMPROMISE? I’ve met quite a few guys who don’t really do a lot of the things that I like but because they were interested, they did them with me. I’ve also met guys who were stuck in their ways and very happy! Blame it on the man/woman ratio or the fact that quite a few women accept the bare minimum. Either way, these new breed of men don’t care, will let you know, and will let you go! (Noooooooo compromise!) 

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and I know so many guys who don’t partake because it’s “not their thing.” Soooooo?!?! If it’s my thing and you like me, why not participate for me and WITH me? There are men who would stay home or hang out with their boys rather than do something sweet for a woman who likes to celebrate the holiday? I’ve heard excuses from, “it’s not a real Holiday” to “it’s marketed for women.” EXACTLY! Valentine's Day + You + Lovey-Dovey Girlie mushy stuff = A happy me which then equates to a Happy YOU. Dumb Dumbs!

I dated a guy like that once but Valentine’s Day wasn’t really the issue. He had all the qualities I wanted in a man. Great physique, smarts, common interests, similar professional background…I was sold. But I found myself constantly feeling disappointed when it came to us and how nonchalant he was with his efforts. 

Here’s the thing…he assured me that he was a one-woman-guy. Wherever he said he would be…he would be there. Work came 1^st and everything else would fall into place by default…including me. I wasn’t comfortable with that but I held my tongue.Why? Because all of his other qualities out shadowed the little things that would disappoint me. (So I thought!) But the little things added up to big things and the big things eventually pushed me away. 

The 1^st time he visited; he had on street clothes, a baseball cap and came empty handed.  I asked him to remove his hat, (he said he had it on because he didn’t get his hair cut and didn’t shave.) In my head I asked, why not?  Why would you come see me for the 1^st time and NOT have your sh!t together? I didn’t even bother to ask why he came without a bottle of wine or something. Everyone was brought up differently, I guess. (Oh…that was another thought I kept only in my head.)

But I remember a time when I wouldn’t have to say anything to a guy about little things like that. They just did it! Guys paid attention to how they presented themselves to you because they wanted to make a good impression. Nowadays efforts are barely made and some don’t apologize either! It’s more like, “take it or leave it!” But when these roles are reversed, some of these men would be the 1^st to run in the opposite direction. And honestly I don’t have many male friends who compromise when it comes to women. “If she doesn’t do this or that or blah, blah, blah…she’s cut!” And my guy friends aren’t as forgiving as most women tend to be.

Well as for this particular guy, he loved to come over or have me at his house. I always had food, snacks, drinks or something going on at my house for us to enjoy while we enjoyed each other’s company. At his house…not so much. He never offered me anything and never had food because he always ate out. So the conversation (in my head) went like this, “even if you don’t cook, why not have Take-Out or bring home something if you know I’m coming over? Why not say, “hey babe…what do you want me to pick up on my way home?” 

All we did was watch movies and cuddle up on the couch. I love to do both by the way, but that’s all we ever did. So after I had enough of the same old NOTHING, I mentioned the little things that bothered me that I never mentioned to him before. His response, “I’m not that dude.”

YIKES!

“I’m not into the cutesy stuff…Cooking for you, gifts, cards, flowers, holding hands, kissing for a long time or being hugged up in public. If you are my girl, you’re my girl. I don’t like that other stuff.” Wow! How do you respond to that? He then went on to list a slew of things he doesn’t do in a relationship. ALL of which were things I felt I needed in a relationship.

Uh oh.

He doesn’t open doors, doesn’t like to go to the movies, hates bowling, didn’t like to go to events, didn’t want to be around my friends, and wouldn’t even play me in Scrabble when we were by ourselves. No Scrabble? He wasn’t an atheist but didn’t care about religion or any type of spirituality. He hates kids! He also hated the kind of music I like…he was wayyyy more into Hip-Hop than me and he didn’t understand my love for sports. Ugh!

We hit a bump in the road. (More like a wall.) He wanted me to compromise. His idea of us compromising was me just accepting who he was and being happy with it. Here was this guy, 6’4, beautiful teeth, great profession, non-smoker, no kids, single, smart, great body, wonderful sense of humor…but he didn’t like any of the relationship stuff some may find trivial while others like me find necessary.

How does one attack this particular problem? Compromise, right? There goes that dirty little sneaky word again! I can deal with the hat wearing, sometimes no haircut, and never cooking thing. Some would probably say, “be happy, Claudia! If he’s faithful and a good guy….soooooo what?”  But if you are accustomed to certain things…how much should you give up for whom appears to be Mr. Right? Fellas…same question goes to you. If she walks like Mrs. Right and talks like Mrs. Right but her actions are Mrs. Wrong…what do you do? What would you sacrifice? How much would you compromise? 

Well after his “I’m not that dude” comment, things between us started to run out of gas and the excitement I initially felt was gone. But a different feeling took its place. GUILT!  I started to feel guilty because I was losing interest in what some would call a “good catch.”  But he’s the one who said it…not me! “I’m not that dude.”

But I’m that chick though!

I like the little things. They make me hella happy! I can compromise to a certain extent but no man should make me feel like he’s the gift and I should rearrange what’s in my brain so that his ideals fit. And who’s courting whom nowadays? Women are supposed to be courted but I see US putting in the work while some men implement a bunch of seek-and-destroy missions. Then comes the break-down of  communication, tears, baggy eyes, arguments, insecurities, weight loss or weight gain and boom…another unhealthy relationship that either ends in flames or painfully proceeds. 

We must be smarter with our choices. We have to remember that the choice is ours! And don’t get me wrong…I’m not male bashing or saying that sometimes some of us, (women and MEN), can’t be too picky. We can be…and have the right to be, yes? When it comes to happiness, marriage and thoughts of kids, don’t we have the right to be with whom we really want vs. what he or she appears to be?

Well I already compromise Dammit! Don't most of us deal with men or women on a case by case basis? One person may do half of the things you enjoy while another may introduce you to a new form of relationship appreciation I’ve never experienced. Or better yet…you may meet someone who gives you EVERYTHING you want and more. 

But what should be done in the meantime? Do you suppress your feelings if you aren't fully satisfied? Do you revise your list of what you feel is the perfect mate? Do you put his or her expectations ahead of yours for a relationship that may make you resentful in the long run?  And how early is too early to start compromising? 

How about this…how about you let him be that dude he wants to be and you be that confident woman you were once happy to be without changing in order to catch him? When you compromise to a point of reducing yourself for the sake of someone else’s happiness, it’s no longer a compromise, it’s mental slavery. 

Hey...we can all use a swift kick in the bum for mistakes like these we’ve made in relationships that could have easily been avoided. But one thing is for certain…loving yourself 1^st should never be traded, negotiated or taken lightly! Don’t be afraid to walk away; and if letting him go because he is NOT that dude means you get to remain who you are…walk! There is no com-pro-mise in self-love! Say that 3 times…and believe it.

(Insert Kanye Shrug here….)

C.

You Better ACT Like You Know!

Acting is hard work and takes dedication, commitment and preparation. So if you're serious about it, there are a few things you need in order to get started. 

You ready?

Join a Professional Acting Class. You should talk to working actors about classes they attend and get recommendations from them. Ask if the acting class provides agent and Casting Director showcases, auditions, or performance opportunities. Also...sign up for "Specialty" acting classes such as Soap Opera acting, film, television and commercial acting.

Next...befriend a photographer! Get great PROFESSIONAL head shots. Great head shots will get you work and get agents and Casting Directors interested in seeing you. If you don't know a photographer, get recommendations from agents, Casting Directors and WORKING actors. Look thru magazines or on agency websites for examples of the kind of photos you'd like to take. Choose wisely and carefully. Select a photographer who's comfortable to be around and gives you plenty of time and direction. And beware of the fake photographers!

Take the classes, get professional photos...now what? 

Get an agent! And according to FilmTvCareers.About.com, "You want to start by finding someone who specializes in the area that you're hoping to break into. A talent agent that specializes in film is very different from the one who specializes in commercials. So, begin by determining which direction is best suited to you."

You'll definitely need a resume too! (Even if you don't have many acting credits.) Search the Internet for some samples or consider having a professional prepare one for you. A good acting resume includes contact info, stats (height, weight, hair color, eye color, age range, clothing size, shoe size), special skills (singing, impressions, accents, etc.), training info and a bullet breakdown of past acting experience including production name, production company and the part you played. And don't forget to double-check your resume for spelling errors before printing it on the back of your head shots.

So now you have the necessary tools...but are you ready to commit? The perfect role might not come looking for you, so do not sit around waiting! Get out there and act in everything you can. You feel me? You have to continuously seek acting roles, even if they aren't the "perfect roles" that you want. You'll become a stronger actor every time you act!

"Working as an Actor will lead to more work as an Actor."

A lot of actors NEVER reach the level they desire because they never fully commit to being an actor and let daily life get in the way. Try not to let that happen to you. If you want to act, do it. If you need help, find it. If you're ready to commit...ACT like it.


And last but not least, lets talk about...ATTITUDE!

Check your attitude! This industry is smaller than you think and NOBODY wants to work with a difficult actor. Leave that diva shit at home. The more likable and professional you are, the more acting roles that will come your way...even if you still need to work on your skills.

Patience is spent on those who deserve it...not on those who demand it. I'm saying this with love!  

So whether its acting, modeling or dancing you want to pursue, these are simple yet valuable Tips you will need to get on your way. Questions are cool but you need to LISTEN! And when you come, don't come by the pint, come by the gallon! Come prepared and correct or don't come at all. 


 That's all folks!