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When the pursuit of paper mutes your voice or changes your opinion, you are officially a rich puppet-Paul Porter

I remember the day he first yelled at me. It was stupid and it was in front of everyone as if I had committed a crime and needed a jury of my peers to witness him verbally cut my throat. I took my shoes off in the office. I didn’t walk around shoeless.  I didn’t put my feet up in a relaxing manner. I took my shoes off, placed them by my feet at the table I was sitting at and kept working. He became enraged! He called in crew, Production Management, and other Creatives like myself to listen to his speech on being ”professional” in the office, respecting everyone’s space and not becoming so comfortable as to take off your shoes “like Claudia” and think it’s ok. 

If the speech ended there, I would have just taken it as a loss and not thought twice about it. My shoes went back on my feet and I stayed working. But nooooo…he kept it going for what felt like eons about how disgusted he was and made sure my name was at the end of every sentence. I still continued my work but with a stone cold face. I looked around the room at others who seemed more annoyed than shocked at his rant. At that moment I got a discreet Instant Message from someone in the room.

 

“Oh shit, you’re now on his shit list. Just be prepared because it goes down-hill from here. And don’t take it personally. He’s an asshole who needs his ass beat.”

Ok?!

Well the messenger was right and the instant messages, emails, and after-hours calls were heavy between many of us in the office. But it wasn’t just about me! This guy made everyone’s job and life for the duration of the project mi-se-ra-ble. It was to a point where no one spoke around him unless spoken to. Production Staff would eat their breakfast in the restrooms to avoid being seen by him. A Crew Head would agree with something he said that was off the wall or completely incorrect JUST to avoid a lengthy discussion then would wish him death when we’d get on the elevator. When we’d wrap for the day, folks would haul ass to avoid running into him for any reason at all.

What kind of leader is this? I’ve been in the Entertainment Industry since the age of 16 and have never come across anyone so vile. He is a human Cancer. A piece of shit. The opposite of a mentor. A person who cheers on negativity and hopes for your worse. Every word he spoke was condescending, rude and inhuman…and he was our boss. One Production Head called him, “The Devil’s hero.”  This wasn’t good.

Once during an event he WENT OFF about how one of the crew members hung up a sign we used for production. He then decided to call everyone from the crew on walkie-talkie to meet him at the sign but called her last. We could not figure out what was wrong with the sign and no one could get to her quickly enough to warn her about him being upset.  In front of everyone he asked her to tell him what was wrong with the sign. She looked at all of us but we didn’t know! (And we couldn’t save her.) He asked her multiple times as she held back tears during the grueling interrogation. He then pointed out that the sign was hung up with black tape and how it was completely and utterly unacceptable and looked “Ghetto.”

Mouths dropped. He yelled to a point where strangers stopped to gawk. He used enough expletives to make you think she had stolen his per diem. Then when he was done, he walked away. Some of us lined up to hug her. My blood pressure raised. I wanted out.

Day after day after day this man made a job that was supposed to be a great gig into the absolute worst Production experience I’ve had in my life…and I’ve worked in hostile environments before! I’ve worked around cursing. I’ve been sexually harassed. I've been called a Bitch twice and even threw a chair once...but this job was killing me slowly. This dude was the epitome of evil.

Now don’t get me wrong...I realize that people, even supervisors, don’t owe you pleasantries. Pleasantries are not required, not part of Labor Laws and are not owed to you. But what about RESPECT? What about being treated like a Human being? What happened to showing a subordinate the right way to do things instead of embarrassing the shit out of them until they wish death upon you? Who wants that?

He once yelled at a crew member for not answering an email he sent at 4am. But he didn’t just question the crew member's ability to read and respond. Ohhhhhh nooooo! He questioned his parents' choice of where they sent him to school and whether or not he may have needed a tutor to come on set who could teach him how to read emails and respond back in a timely manner. (That’s a lot, right?) So because he didn’t read and respond to the email at 4am, his parents weren’t shit, his degree isn’t worth shit and he went as far as asking him if he needs a tutor???

Whoah! Time the Fuck out!

I started to hate him. HATE is indeed a strong word and an often misused emotion but I was fed up. I didn’t know if I was going to snap one day, call the police, have the police called on me, get fired or walk out…but every day I felt like all of the above were going to happen. Then when I too wished death upon him, I knew it was my time. It was no longer fun. My body was aching, head was hurting and I hated him. The promises that were made to me upon my being hired did not come thru. I was asked to work an extra day at no additional pay. I had an immediate Supervisor who not only threw me under the bus to save his ass on a daily, but who told me he didn’t want to manage our team and was only interested in getting HIS work done. Well Damn. Who could I turn to at that point?

One night I called my older sister crying hysterically. I told her how I was miserable. I told her about being disrespected on a daily basis. I told her I worked for a man who admitted his “hate” for Black women and who used the words "NIGGERS" and "BLACK BITCHES" all willy nilly around an office filled with mixed company. I told her my “unprofessional” shoe removal story and how the very next day, he went to sleep on the couch, in the middle of the office snoring like a 10 thousand pound gorilla. I told her about how he changed my name from Claudia to BONEQUISHA and SHAQUISHA and how I refused to respond.

The last straw came when he cursed me out on set for wanting to move his back-pack that was crushing one of my Props it was sitting on top of. Then later he asked me, the only woman on set, to carry the same back-pack that was so heavy I leaned forward like I had Scoliosis. Male members of staff watched me struggle with the bag, afraid they'd get in trouble just for assisting me. He eventually snatched it from me so hard that he not only knocked me down, but grabbed some of my skin in the process. He gave no apology nor did he help me up. That was it! I hated him and I was done.

My sister then asked me how much money I was making. I told her. Her response was, “HOW MUCH?” All I could imagine was her eyes opened really wide because of the amount. It wasn’t small, but to me it was not worth it. I’ve heard of paying dues but this was ridiculous. And at this point in my career, I shouldn’t feel desperate for any gig, right? Desperate enough to allow this type of disrespect? And being a Bully to me and other members of our crew is not my idea of a good leader.You feel me?

I didn’t know what advice my sister was going to give me. And since she’s an attorney, she is well trained in office battles. She’s always been known as the strong one. (So strong that even from her death bed, my mother said she didn’t want to die in front of me but knew my sister could take it.) So what did my sister advise? She told me to stay until I got booked for another gig. Some of my friends and colleagues said the same thing, but at that point I just wanted out and I wanted my credit. Fuck him.

In the beginning I knew my work would speak for itself but when my work started to suffer because I didn’t care anymore, I just didn’t care anymore! I stopped using pleasantries. When he would enter the room I wouldn’t scram like others did nor did I go out of my way to speak. I ignored him on some days, “talked back” on others, and began to just do the minimum work required to stay afloat and collect a check.

But that isn’t why I decided to work in Entertainment! For a check? If most of us Creatives worked for just a check, we wouldn’t work in our fields. Creative people are already stressed, especially freelancers who work from gig to gig and often check to check… if the client pays on time. Who needs the added stress? How can you give your 100% if the environment you work in doesn’t allow you to?

Here’s a better question….when you decide enough is enough, does it make you weak or make you strong for walking away? On my last day he told me that “maybe” I didn’t have the “stomach” for the job.

LOL!  No Negro…I don’t have the stomach for you!

Sooooo…are others who work with him show after show stronger than those of us who vowed never to work with him again?  Are those who ride his waves more likely to succeed in this business because they dealt with him under his conditions? Can’t I be viewed as strong for NOT wanting to work with him or anyone like him? And whyyyyyyyyy do people like him progress?  Don’t nice people make good TV?

I don’t have any solid answers which is one of the main reasons I wrote this blog post. Honestly, there may not be a wrong or right answer to any of it.  But strength should not be defined by how high you get people to jump or how many times you can take a punch. And there’s more value in how people respond to you positively rather than how much they fear you.

But one thing I do know for sure is neither a check nor a credit makes abuse feel better...and neither does silence. 

Unabbreviated, Unashamed, Unbroken...Untitled.

Claudia Jean