Just before Christmas a Twitter-Friend of mine wrote an interesting short list of things that would make him marry a woman “instantly.” Besides the fact that I’m a fan of his writing, I appreciated how his list was short and to the point.
I’ve noticed throughout my dating years how some guys like the simple things. Some men can be a little less high maintenance compared to the stereotypical “demanding” woman. I’ve also noticed that it can be a bit easier to please a man if we are more accommodating and less “confrontational, defensive and high maintenance.”
Hmmmm…
Well my response to his blog isn’t to let men off the hook! I do love it when I come across a guy who isn’t fussy, vain, too particular, or judgmental when it comes to women and dating. But the truth of the matter is…I meet more guys who are less than accommodating because they assume that ALL women are “confrontational, defensive & high maintenance.”
WRONG!
My list of things that would make me marry HIM instantly is to let some of you guys know that just like we all don’t wear the same size shoes…we all don’t fall under these stereotypes. Hello? So don’t go messing it up for yourself thinking I’m like your EX or to put it s.i.m.p.l.e…You may miss out on a good thing, thinking the wrong things.
You might also need to know that just because a woman may be single, independent and confident doesn’t mean we don’t want to be cared for or that you’ll never be needed. I’ve never been the type to f*ck with a man’s ego…So don’t play yourself thinking a strong woman can’t be a sweet one or not in need of your time and affection.
But back to my list! I was recently asked what I want from a man and was advised to be direct and firm. After seeing my Twitter-friend’s list of 5 things, I then decided to jot down my wants as well. So here it is…
(In no particular order), My Five things that make me want to marry HIM instantly:
HE WANTS A WEDDING…JUST NOT A BIG ONE
And that’s fine with me! Even as a child I’ve never been into the huge wallet busting, 16 bridesmaids and a $10K dress with the 12ft train in the South of France type of wedding. There’s no need to gather up all his male friends to pair up with my single girlfriends to have them walk down the aisle with matching cummerbunds & dresses they’ll never wear again. I’d be happy with an intimate wedding that turns into an outdoor picnic with a sexy reception later that night that will feel like we’re at the club. But there’s one catch…I gotta hire the DJ.
HE MUST LOVE SPORTS
I don’t know what’s in the water but I keep meeting guys who either don’t follow sports or they love it for vanity reasons. I went to a game with a guy and he spent most of it on the celly shouting out his friends & bragging about the fact that we had courtside seats. No bueno.
But listen…we don’t even have to like the same teams! I’m cool with him being down with the NFC while I cheer for the AFC. He can love the Lakers while I pray for the Knicks. He doesn’t even have to be a diehard sports fan! But if we can debate quarterbacks once in a while or go to games where HIS team plays against mine…I may marry him.
HE’S JUST AS SILLY, GOOFY AND UNINHIBITED AS ME!
I just hung out with a guy who jumped out of the car at a red light to dance while the radio station was playing Dancehall! (Insert Jamaican Horn sound effect.) Okay, okay…I don’t expect everyone to do this but someone THAT comfortable with letting his guard down is a champion in my book. But there’s a difference between uninhibited and crazy…and crazy is NOT what I’m talking about. I’m not into daredevils & extreme risk takers. But a person who trusts me enough to be himself in front of me is très cool and sexy.
Now let me explain my cool and sexy: I’m a morning person who sings in the shower, and loves duets! (...Hint hint!) I play board games and I hope he’s into Scrabble. (Taboo, Jenga, Monopoly, Twister?) I like to read dirty books in bed and may want us to read them together. :) I’m okay with public displays of affection. Spontaneous road trips, getting drunk together in the comfort of our own home or having a picnic at a museum are all my speed. And he and I in our pajamas, dancing in the living room at 2:30 in the morning is a win win situation. Add some Moscato to the picture and he’s got himself a wifey who’ll cook for him in the nude wearing high heels & an apron that says: Kiss the Cat ;)
HE DOESN’T FEEL INSECURE ABOUT WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING OR WHO I HANG OUT WITH
As much as I love regular 9-5 dudes, it’s been hard for me to not only meet them but to get them to believe that I am not “industry.” Although I still have ladders to climb and things to accomplish to get to the next level, I’ve come across many jealous and insecure guys because of what my life may sometimes appear to be.
Just because I’m hugging some famous guy on Facebook doesn’t mean I slept with that famous guy. Nowadays I won’t even add a new guy to my Facebook list so that assumptions won’t be made based on photos in my albums or pictures I’m “tagged” in from friends. I’ve been accused of things very opposite of my nature and character and have dated “industry” guys thinking it’d be easier since their lifestyle may compliment mine.
But everything that glitters ain’t gold and everyone who works in the entertainment industry isn’t “Hollywood,” PAID, or the relationship type. My true friends know that my Stunner Shades come from the GAP, not Gucci…and “industry” dudes aren’t always the best remedy when you really want someone “chill” who cares about Y.O.U and not what you do.
So if he just relaxes, he can enjoy the perks without worrying about what he thinks I may have done to get us tickets, VIP status, or an unexpected upgrade. And if I say he’s JUST a friend, believe ME…not the song.
HE IS PROOF THAT CHILVARY IS NOT DEAD
Yes I said it and I believe it! Chivalry is NOT dead because I met it face to face and fell in love with it. Now I can’t live without it and I refuse to go back to selfish, inattentive, vulgar, and c.l.u.e.l.e.s.s! But for various reasons that would take another blog post to address…these rumors that “Chivalry is dead” are running rampant! And men who haven’t dealt with women who demand and deserve it are on a rise. Now because of this epidemic, men are doing the minimum…and the minimum doesn’t make him marriage material.
Chivalry isn’t just about opening doors and sending flowers. It's a whole attitude of treating a woman with respect and gentility…From helping me out the car, to calling when he says he will, to listening while I’m telling him an in-depth story. And there’s nothing wrong with picking me up for our date and making sure I get home safely. How about helping me put on my coat or help carry my bags? Things as simple as checking on me during a storm make me feel thought of and cared for. Doing without asking…it’s really THAT simple people!
And I love a man who pays attention to the little things! It’s the little things that mean so much to us women…TRUST. A guy once bought me a brand new bottle of my favorite perfume after he noticed the bottle on my dresser was low. (Automatic moisture!) And once after I was complaining about a warning light in the car, a guy came over, checked under the hood, changed the oil & put air in my tires. Nice…
I firmly believe that if more chivalry was used in modern day dating, some men would get less resistance from women and more of that cooperation I hear some of them complain about not getting. They say you get more with honey than vinegar and I agree. So try it and you may like the results!
Ok?
So that’s it folks! That’s my list. I don’t think everyone needs a list in order to have a successful relationship or marriage but I do believe you should have an idea of what you want or don’t want. And stand your ground! Don’t second guess yourself. Never feel bad for what you believe in or how you feel you should be treated. And anyone who makes you feel bad about being you or wanting the best for yourself is not worth the time…or a list.
Now all I need is a chivalrous, secure, uninhibited, goofball who loves sports and wants a simple wedding. I found one but he’s fussy, vain, too particular and judgmental! Ugh!
Back to the drawing board!
Claudia...
Shout out to @jozenc http://untiligetmarried.com/2009/12/22/five-things-that-make-me-want-to-marry-her-instantly/
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