Dating in New York City...a Casting Story.

Soooooooooooooo...

I'm working on a relationship show and I'm starting to get "the sads."

1st of all, just on a presentation and Casting note...if you're submitting photos while trying to find love, you reeeeeeally shouldn't send in mean mugging pics. Yes, I do realize that NY is THE mean-mugging capitol of the world, but you get more with honey than vinegar! How do you expect someone to be remotely interested if you look like you want to fight?

  

...but back to my sadness. :(

  

Seems like many many many women have the same dating woes in NY. I'm talking about fabulous, fly, friendly, successful and ready for love women. But it's the same story! No matter what age...younger and older, these men they encounter do not want relationships. They want sex. JUST sex.

And there are levels to these same sad and common NY dating stories! These men wait until after sex to tell them know that they only want sex or they wait until it feels like a relationship to say they only wanted sex. Seems like the guys don't care if the woman ends up hurt or hating them...sex is their only want and need.

Soooo...even when these women are clear, it doesn't end up in a long term committed monogamous relationship. And talking to these women in person and on the phone has me stressed because I'm sure that the problem CAN NOT be all on them. Can it? Then on top of that, these women have been single on an average of 3-5 years! 3 to 5 years SINGLE? 

Whyyyyyyyyy?

  

With so many men and women in NY, I refuse to believe that single life is the only option. However...One observation may support that notion: A lot of NY men don't know how to court or date. Observation #2: A lot of NY men don't know how to talk to women nicely.

Y'all are a little rough around the edges!!!!!

  

And I'm not just talking about men who may appear rough on the exterior! I'm talking to the Pretty Boy Floyds too. Yeah, you! Be nice!

Not sure what the psychology is behind the behavior but if you want nice, shouldn't you be nice? Where does talking down to women get you? If you want a nice woman that you don't plan on "ruining," shouldn't you be nice to her?

Then there are men who you have to remind that we are women. Ugh! I think some get so comfortable or are so used to the slick talking, fast talking NY hustle and grind mentality that they forget that tone matters.

How you speak to me is a reflection of how you feel about me.

  

Now back to the women I've been interviewing. Beautiful, some without kids, kind, nurturing, selfless, fun, great backgrounds and upbringings...SINGLE! Sooooo many! And the stories are the same!  

Is NY the roughest hardest place to date? Is it the culture? What about Black women vs White women vs non-American women? Which group is the loneliest in NYC?

As a Haitian woman who is strong and fearless in the field but submissive/nurturing at home...in my opinion, I think NY is a hateful place when it comes to romance. NY is not built for romance! Waaaaaait...let me explain!  Aesthetically, it is the most romantic place ever! Between restaurants, Plays, Museums, novelty shops for the most original gifts, parks, Historic venues, Art, outdoor activities and Groupon...NY is the SHIT! There is too much going on for Romance not to be found or developed. Shit is motivational. You can fall in love with the idea of NY. 

However!

Fundamentally...NY is too rough for romance. Too slick. Too casual. Too nonchalant. Unapologetic. Drama filled. Loud. Rude. Selfish! Even the Homeless are elitists! Dudes won't hold doors, give up seats on trains, move out of a woman's way on side walks, hail you a taxi, or walk with you on the street. Yes...that last one is a Pet Peeve of mine till death! If we are going somewhere together, why are you walking ahead of me? And dudes don't even invite you out in NY. They want to meet up or better yet...Tweet up! Oh.

 So if you are missing the basics, how can NY Romance strive? 

 ...and then there are the women in NY like the ones I'm interviewing who oblige. Oy! And if they're not obliging in that way, they're playing the role of the man. Desperation maybe? Loneliness? Fatigue? Or are you trying to raise men whose father's didn't? Paying for dinners, always the inviter, holding doors open, 1st to call or text, all while still being the nurturing feminine woman?

This project low key has me depressed! Shaaaaaaaaaaaaat! Pardon me, NY, but what happened to: Do you like me? Circle yes or no? What happened to talking, building, learning each other, courting and romance? 

Is this city about that romance life or are you only good enough as a backdrop for romantic films?

Let me find out NY is only good on paper!

Listen...Whether you agree or disagree, hate my metaphors and similes or are clapping along like I'm preaching in church, these stories and experiences are out there and are not unique. I don't have the answers, you feel me? I only can give my opinions based on experience, observations and what's being told to me in these interviews. My only wish is that we can talk about it, be honest about what we want and don't, be a bit flexible, find a happy medium, and take advantage of everything New York City has to offer...together. 

CMJ