WARNING: There are a new breed of wack dudes that have infiltrated the dating scene and are terrorizing single women everywhere! And fellas who don’t fit the description…please take cover before you are found guilty of wackness by association!
Ladies...remember back in the day when the nerdy or dummy, quiet, jacked up haircut having, no date to the high school dance, no fraternity could make him cool in college, who's laugh got on your nerves, was THE Cornball you didn't even have time to complain about because he wasn't even on your radar? Remember him? And he was always the guy who was either too skinny or too short or too pressed or too emotional and didn't have any flavor with how he dressed?
And the stereotypical Cornball is the one who sticks out like a sore thumb and couldn't inherit swagger even if it was monogrammed, gift wrapped and overnighted to him from the KING of Swagger himself! You know him...don't front. Nothing he can do would upgrade him. Sometimes he is soooo corny you can't even explain it. You just know the only word you can use to describe him is: CORNBALL.
And then there is Mr. Wack. Now...one can argue that Cornballs and wack dudes are one in the same but I say they are fundamentally different. Sometimes Cornballs don't know any better. Some cornballs are unusually confident with what they have and extremely honest about what they don't. They don't necessarily know that they are corny and sometimes use terms like: I'm unique, original, an individual and I try not to be like other guys... (And they tried so hard to be different that it makes them even cornier.)
But Mr. Wack is tricky because if women are not careful, the wackness will not be detected initially. But those of us who have shamefully been fooled time and time again have started to notice the signs and can now spot him a mile away.
With so many wack dudes out there, it’s hard to put them in a box. WACK is definitely the correct category but there are several tiers you should be aware of. In other words...Mr. Wack comes in many shapes and forms, and has multi-levels of wackness.
Mr. Wack can be anywhere from the conceited, wanna-be-promoter, overly-dressed, claims that everyone is his "boy", so damn fine it hurts, sunglasses wearer in the club, technically single, red-carpet smile having brother…to the on-the-phone-in-the-club, habitual text messager, generous only when it benefits him, always needs to be seen, name dropper, Male Groupie, publicity whore who can either use you to raise his stock or wants you to use him. He is the one you are afraid to confront because his nice-guy act worked so well on you that you now think YOU are the problem....or better yet, it worked so well on others that you don't want to appear like the “bad guy” or crazy one for no longer wanting to deal with his wackness.
And I get it! Being bamboozled hurts. It hurts your pride and makes you regret using any bit of emotion on his wack ass. Especially if he is the one you've ditched your friends for and got on the list as your "plus one" because...well...he wasn't wack at first, right? And he is so cute! He can dress! And he smells so good. Mmmm mmm mmm.
But did you notice the OTHER chicks aka his "friends" in VIP?
What about the fact that he never puts the blackberry down?
And why are you closer to his boy(s) than you are to him?
Oh...he TEXTED you HAPPY BIRTHDAY....right...right ;)
Awww, he confided in you about being hurt by his ex-girl and that's why he doesn't think he's ready for a relationship! (wink)
Wait...did he stand you up last night? Nawww...he fell asleep at his house, on the couch, watching a movie....alone ;)
SMDH
Some will say that the Mr. Wack isn't part of any new breed of wack dudes and has always been WACK. But the thing is...initially you didn't know! Eventually guys like him do something that will make you discover the wackness, leaving you forever pissed off that you gave him a chance. Some of us have fed the ego of Mr. Wack therefore contributing to his I'm-the-sh*t attitude. We women “create the monster” or continue on the wackness tradition other women before us have encouraged. And how do we continue the tradition? By sweating him, always calling him, defending him, letting him slide, not standing our ground, not setting parameters, and yes...sexing him even after we find out he is WACK.
If you are still not convinced that who I am describing is your Mr. Wack...then take a look at some examples of wactivity found on the F*CK HIM list I created a few blogs ago. But if you are too lazy to look back...here are a few samples of what my girlfriends and I found to be him:
*The habitual texter...and you've NEVER spoken on the phone. (He won't pick up.)
*The one who asks you out but complains about the drive to pick you up.
*The one who hides you from his "baby moms."
*The "single" one who gives you a hand shake or "pound" at the club when he introduces you to his girlfriend who lives out of state.
*The one who’s keeping tabs on how much he’s spending on you and reminds you of it.
And my favorite:
*The one too busy to call but has time for everything else! My mom introduced me to the concept of him. See, I knew him but didn't know I knew him. Mrs. Lise Jean told me that guys who are interested do call. They CALL. And no matter how busy they get, if he likes you THAT much...a call to you will happen the second he can get a break, (and that means before he updates Twitter, facebook, or "networks" at the club.)
Well G*d Dammit I miss THE CORNBALL because after dating a Mr. Wack or two, I feel wack by association. (GUILTY!) Even Laura Winslow eventually fell for Steve Urkel! (Yes...I'm going Family Matters on you!) His character loved her unconditionally. No games, no baggage, no selfishness, no hidden agendas. And after years of chasing her, forming an alter-ego, and switching television networks, Laura gave in and figured out that Steve was actually the Cornball for her.
And while I'm on Steve Urkel...I wonder if the actor who played Steve Urkel is wack or a Cornball?! True story: I met him in Martha's Vineyard and he did everything he could to be noticed. And when he was asked repeatedly for his autograph by those who recognized him, he acted like it annoyed him...ummm hmmm…but he loved it! And our conversations were mostly him saying things like, "yeah baby, cool baby, sure baby," and "baby this, baby that, baby, baby, baby" straight out of a 70's movie! (WORD to GOLDIE.) I decided at that moment that he was waaaaaack! But years later after meeting up with him again and noticing he wanted less attention from "fans" and more conversation of substance...I thought he was once a Cornball who was actually cool.
Go figure! Either way...let's stop the WACKNESS...Please, before someone gets hurt.
My name is Claudia Jean and I’m a recovering Wack-A-Holic…
:(
Posts
