I just talked to a friend of mine who is having a few problems in his relationship. He does EVERYTHING for his girl and once told me that he does whatever he can to get his girl whatever she wants. That is rare and commendable. He wants to make her happy but she doesn't exactly reciprocate the efforts.
Thus the problems in their relationship.
When you have a guy like that who is NOT a cornball...good looking...great job...loves to travel...buys you gifts...loves to actually spend time with you...your friends love him....and he always speaks in "WE" instead of "I..." it wouldn't hurt to step up your game just a little bit to show your dude you care and appreciate him.
This to me doesn't mean that just to prove your love to him that the roles in the relationship should drastically change. I came from what some may call a traditional and maybe even stereotypical upbringing where the man is " supposed" to do certain things and the woman has things she should do and accept as well...
My homeboy kinda knows that upbringing and lifestyle and because of that accepts his role as the provider and initiator of the going out, spending time, and paying the bill...all of the time.
But now ish is getting a bit old. 2 years into their relationship and he is not feeling as appreciated as he'd like. Without getting fully into details I'll just say that he has gone above and beyond boyfriend duty to show her and explain to her why its important for them to be on the same page and the same team. In other words...he can't do ALL of the work ALL of the time. Not cool.
But he loves her and he puts up with a lot...and since they've been having these issues, she's been trying to be more of an appreciative girlfriend by making little efforts that don't necessarily make him do a happy dance...but the efforts satisfy him enough for him to think that her trying is enough.
Fast forward to the reason I'm typing this up...
Tonight he was minding his bizness...hanging out with friends...having a great time, and she calls him to "initiate" hanging out tonight. He agrees to leave his friends and proceeds to her house.
Here is where the debate begins. She called and told him she wants to do something tonight and she even suggested the restaurant to go to.
Who pays?
Now again...I have some traditional values in me and I believe chivalry still exists. So yeah...the guy usually pays. I get that.
But my argument is if my dude pays ALL OF THE TIME...takes me away ALL OF THE TIME....calls me ALL OF THE TIME...buys me gifts ALL OF THE TIME...and makes me happy ALL OF THE TIME...shouldn't I pay some of the time?
Shouldn't I "initiate" a weekend get-a-way? Shouldn't I maybe pick him up something at the mall? Shouldn't I "initiate" Date Night and maybe follow thru all the way some of the time?
I think if she called just to ask him to go out and suggest a restaurant, and he goes to pick her up, takes her to the very restaurant she suggested, and he ends up paying...................................then it defeats the purpose.
I don't know many 30-ish year old childless guys who spoil the sh*t out of their girls now-a-days. And don't get me wrong...I apologize for those who are part of my gender who take advantage of the good guys who are out there. Yes...horrible and selfish chicks do exist.
So if you have a relationship where the person gives and gives and gives and you take and take and take some more...and all the other person wants every now and then is some effort...does it count as an effort or an "initiation" if you don't pay and if you are the one who asked them out? Or should you follow thru all the way till the end of the date night?
Holla back!
Side note***
Women need to step up their game if dudes like that still exist. And some dudes need a lesson or two as well.
Claudia
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