Sorry! I'm Fresh Out of Dots To Connect

Sooooo….I just finished listening to a friend vent to me about being used and left for dead in this wonderful entertainment industry of ours.  An industry unlike any other because it's supposed to be fun, nontraditional, free-spirited, flexible, exciting, exclusive, fabulous., etc.

*Deep breath*

But it seems like entertainment is structured more like corporate 9 to 5s with the back stabbing, using, betrayal, selfishness and my favorite: forgetfulness.

Forgetfulness out of convenience.

Then there is no accountability and also the fear of backlash if you let them know that what was done or how it was done was completely unacceptable.  So nothing is said!  Then "we" make promises to ourselves that we won't ever do THAT again or ever help such-n-such again.  So now we're changing our own behavior because of their behavior!?!?!

Dammit!

Well…change is good; however, if you are naturally a nice, giving, and helpful person who sincerely likes seeing others win, that internal battle is a rough road to travel.

Truuuuuust me!

I curse people out in my head DAILY!  But I'm helping people out DAILY! Sometimes expecting no “thank you” or kind gesture in return because well…people don't do for you unless it's convenient for them or better yet...they just don’t do the reciprocity thing anymore.  It’s not stylish, I guess. (Insert sarcasm here)

So you know what?  I never thought I'd say this but maybe charging people for a connect or help isn't such a bad thing.  I have friends being used for introductions and connections only to be cut out of the equation by opportunists who now thrive because of it. 

How rude!

But don’t get me wrong, I know that certain gestures should not come with a price-tag, however...if you're eating off of someone else's nice gesture while they starve, you're a f*cked up, conniving, selfish, grimy, dirty little troll...and if you act like a stranger, you should pay like one.

Let’s be honest!

Now understand that reciprocation isn't always monetary.  You do not have to give money.  But how are you producing events or shows or getting clients from someone else's contact but don't even part your lips to say thank you or maybe give them an invitation to your now wonderful production? 

For shame!

No one says thank you anymore. Sad but true! Now it's just, "do you know xyz? Can you introduce me to abc? I want to produce an event or show...how do you think I should execute?"

Really? 

Then they get it all done from you helping them and/or your relationship you’ve built for yourself…and the sound of crickets follow.

Oh.

...and most of these horror stories I’m hearing involve women being the culprits!  Now I know we all have 1 or 2 selfish user guy friends too, but this is about WOMEN.  Listen…we're already all allegedly catty and petty as it is. But this, my dear(s) is unbecoming of a lady.

Please and Thank you should be second nature…it’s our specialty!  Follow-up phone calls, Thank-you-cards, and little thoughtful gifts just to say, I appreciate you…we invented that shit! 

What happened?

Now I see why some people charge a la cart for information or deny knowing certain people! Holding on to contacts tight! I get it now! Why? Because if we help you eat, we have to eat too. And if I struggle or starve while you benefit from knowing me yet you conveniently forget me, then something has got to change...and that has to start with me.

Sooooo nothing personal, no hard feelings, no shade intended, not trying to spoil your fun! But ummm, uh, errrr...I'm fresh out of dots to connect.  Sorry! No more help and "for the love" gestures to give.  I'm only giving out daps and hugs.  Connect your own dots.

CMJ

Count Your Blessings!

Everyone struggles…Not everyone advertises it-Matthew A. Cherry

I had a friend over the other day who is going THRU it.  I cooked for us and let her vent.  She was with me all dayyyyyyy! 20 minutes after she left, I was overwhelmed with sadness.

*Deep breath*

We gotta keep the prayer circle going in 2013 and beyond for people suffering because of this recession.

For reeeeeeeeeeeeeeal!

And I’m realizing that quite a few people think that it's just about no available jobs out here for those struggling in this economy.

Nope!

It's more than that! Especially for us Freelancers.

Some people get the work and aren't being paid.  Clients and employers are low-balling. Checks are bouncing. Some productions run out of money.  Promises aren't being kept. Companies fold.

Let's not forget the competition is crazy!  You have folks who don't do what you do, as well as you do, applying for what you do...and for less money, sometimes less experience or NONE at all!  And if your experience is greater than the one interviewing you?!!

Pshhhhhhh!

Then you have the beat down Super Heroes :(

...the ones who are lending out money, taking care of loved ones, putting gas in other people’s cars with not much left over for themselves.

So it's not just about lack of jobs...even though that is a huge part of it.  Think about these things when you think life is treating you unfairly.

I fed a hungry friend, let her drink up my fa-vo-rite wine and listened to her vent because last week that was me or someone you might know. Like...I COULD NOT WAIT for her to leave so I could cry.  She has it bad.  And I used to work for her!   

How crazy is that?

You see folks on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram posing as if life is grand yet the skeletons in their closets overfloweth and/OR their struggle is real. So real!

And yes, my friend that I cooked for, liquored up, listened to, and sent home with leftovers is on Social Media…Twitter to be exact.  But no need to identify her.  Why? 

Because in her own words: "The appearance of struggle is even more unattractive than the struggle itself...and Social Media is unforgiving."

That was THE realest shit and the saddest shit ever!

So please do me a favor...Count your blessings!

If you have transportation, food, enough money to hang out with friends, a working cell phone, health insurance, a savings account, heat, water, internet, living parents, hell…how about 1 living parent, ride-or-die-friends, job leads or a job, (even if you hate it)...Count those as blessings!

I see and hear a lot of complaining but I'm thinking...some of us don't have it as badly as we think. And you may never know how good you do have it until you look into the eyes of someone who has it worse than you. 

*Hugs* 

C. M. J

Happy New Year...

Dedicated to the "too nice," the under-dogs, Mr. Nice Guy, the selfless, the ride-or-die, and the masked Super Heroes who always go above and beyond, but rarely get noticed and don't ask for much...

Your greatness is so underrated and under-appreciated!

Even in your moments of weakness, you still manage to stand tall and sacrifice your fears, tears, doubts and insecurities to make others happy and feel whole again. Con-sis-tent-ly!

That kind of friendship, love, and dedication is commendable and you should pat yourself on the back instead of feeling guilty and having thoughts that you're doing too much.

God didn't make any mistakes!

You were made this way for a reason! You are the sugar and spice plus everything nice…AND you're the Good Guy who won't finish last because your kindness puts you ahead of the rest.

It's unfortunate that others don't realize your worth…But such is life, right?

Sometimes it takes someone treating you like shit and those close to you taking you for granted for you to acknowledge and own the fact that you are better and deserve better than how THEY treat you.

Fuck them! They're slooooooooooooooooooow!

You are undeserving of anything less than greatness.  No man or woman can change that.

You are a star and you shine bright like one. Your glow is unstoppable and I see it, love it and pray that my light will lead the way to the greatness destined in me and the greatness you've already achieved by just being you.

Keep that beauty in you going!  Acknowledge it. Claim it. Thank God for all of it! Your humanity, love, loyalty, sincerity, and swag...Now all you need to be is unapologetic. 

I get it!  Now let the rest of these fools catch up.

Happy New Year.

Love Always,
Me...

Where is Your Honor? Man up!

Ok I think some men run their mouths too much. 

Yup…I said it and will say it again.  Why?  Because Women quite often get the blame for talking too much and/or gossiping but many times get their "information" or ammunition from men.  I’m not saying that it’s right, nor am I saying ALL MEN; notice I did say, some!  But I’m noticing a pattern of weak men and it’s frightening! 

Yikes!

If a girl friend of mine is acting bird-like, I check her.  When I step out of line, I get checked.  We do not want bird tendencies amongst us. The same tendencies that some of you complain about but gravitate to and/or exhibit in your own personal lives. That’s right…men can be birds too.

Ugh!

I'm also saying these things because I'm kind of tired of diarrhea-of-the-mouth-dudes who always have something to say about someone or something.  The hypocrisy of, “where is the chill?” or these hypocrite men who criticize e-ve-ry-thing about a woman from hair, complexion, shoes, teeth, occupation and choice of men…especially if she doesn’t choose YOU.  Then all of the sudden she’s a ho, bitch, slut, fatherless and can’t keep a man. 

Wow. 

And what does that say about some of you men who are hoes, bitches, sluts, fatherless and can’t keep a girl?  Where your mothers hoes?  Was she a single mom who couldn’t keep a man? 

Hmmm.

I’m just a bit tired of the one-sidedness of it all.  It also saddens me how it’s just accepted as truth…as if how men view us is how we are defined.

Pshhhhhhhhh!

…and this woman bashing bitter sugary behavior is never from whom you’d expect it from, is it? I’ve come up with a profile that describes who and what I’m talking about:

• The ones who act the hardest when they are really the weakest.

• The smack talking tough guys who swear that they run shit when they only run their mouths.

• The ones who have so much critique for women yet cannot control their own or the ones they sleep with.

• The ones who always let their left hand know what their right hand is doing.

• The ones who think disrespect is cute.

• The ones who say something just to say something so they can look like they are in-the-know.

• The ones who cosign these behaviors.

I’ve also seen men allow their boys to spit on women, hit women, and be verbally abusive to women in front of them….and nothing is done.  I’ve even seen and heard men reveal too much of other people’s business to gain points from people who then turn around and use that info against all parties involved.

I keep hearing the term, “new niggas” being used and as much as I hate to admit it, I am starting to believe there is a new breed of men out here with no guidance or respect for themselves or women.  Who is raising these fools and why in turn are they breeding? 

And some of y’all are slipping by letting your boys slip as well.  Some say "father your daughters" and "father your sons" but I say father your home boys. They need it.

This is a problem and I’m sooooo not used to this!  I’m used to strong men…men with courage and wisdom. Men with fight and honor.  Men who will back you up and hold you down despite what may be popular or unpopular.  Men who know the differences between right and wrong, tactful and reckless. 

You sit and complain to your boys or on Social media sites about how women need to respect themselves and how some of us need guidance. Ok. Same goes for some of your messy, irresponsible, low-life, homeboys who often trade in their self-respect for new ass. Talk to’em!

So do the same for your home boys! Don’t let them slip! And your home girls deserve better as well. Stop calling  women out of their names all willy nilly while allowing your daughters, sisters, aunties and friends to fall. Because if they fail, you fail too. 

Father your sons.  Father your daughters.  Father your homeboys…MAN UP!

Please and thank you. 

CMJ

Cousins...

I’ve been thinking about family and Cousins I grew up with at different points of my life. Some of us took baths together, got spankings together, lived together, spent summers together, cried together and so much more! Some of us met later in life but felt close the minute we found out we were related! 

"Awww sh*t, You're my COUSIN! Yessss!” 

We've also grown up and developed internal friendships which made being related more special and solid. Adult life means responsibilities but love, whether distant or near, allowed us to grow in different directions while maintaining respect and admiration for each other.

I love my Cousins! Cousins are the ORIGINAL Besties and BFFs! I feel closer to some than my own sister. From my faaaaaavorites to the ones I watch on Facebook or hear about thru random conversations with other family members...Each of you, each of us have this unique unspoken bond that can't be explained but is felt when it's time to come together.

This week I felt this unspoken bond when the news of our Cousin...our wonderful Cousin, Frantz Maisonneuve aka @FrantzMai was taken away from us. The pain I feel now cannot fully be put into words but we all know that losing a loved one is like losing a part of you. It's like a body part you don't think you need...but you do. It’s that voice mail message that comes when you least expect it but needed. It's photos, reunions, batèms, holidays, or random acts of kindness that are extra special when a family member sprinkles their love all over it. Frantz was indeed THAT special and always added the sprinkles!

I can't explain it but anyone who has been around him or had the opportunity to soak up his aura must know what I'm talking about. He was the light in the dark, the sun in the sky and a burst of energy when feeling low.  He was like the Best Friend you didn't know you had and made everyone feel like his Best Friend or better yet...like family. 

I am happy to have known him. I'm lucky to have been in his presence and although I'm saddened by his passing, I'm glad to know my Cousin is with GOD and will not stop being that light, the sun or burst of energy I mentioned above. I believe this to be true and even though closure is far-fetched, he left enough love for me, family, (Cousins,) and friends to feel and cherish for years to come. 

Thank you, Frantz.