Soooooooooooooo...
I'm working on a relationship show and I'm starting to get "the sads."
1st of all, just on a presentation and Casting note...if
you're submitting photos while trying to find love, you reeeeeeally shouldn't send in mean mugging
pics. Yes, I do realize that NY is THE mean-mugging capitol of
the world, but you get more with honey than vinegar! How do you expect someone to be remotely interested if you
look like you want to fight?
...but back to my
sadness. :(
Seems like many many
many women have the same dating woes in NY. I'm talking about fabulous, fly, friendly, successful and ready
for love women. But it's the same
story! No matter what age...younger and older, these men they encounter do not want
relationships. They want sex. JUST sex.
And there are levels
to these same sad and common NY dating stories! These men wait until after
sex to tell them know that they only want sex or they wait until it feels like a
relationship to say they only wanted sex. Seems like the guys
don't care if the woman ends up hurt or hating them...sex is their only want and
need.
Soooo...even when these women are clear, it doesn't end up in a long term
committed monogamous relationship. And talking to these
women in person and on the phone has me stressed because I'm sure that the
problem CAN NOT be all on them. Can it? Then on top of that,
these women have been single on an average of 3-5 years! 3 to 5 years SINGLE?
Whyyyyyyyyy?
With so many men and
women in NY, I refuse to believe that single life is the only option.
However...One observation may support that notion: A lot of NY men don't
know how to court or date. Observation #2: A lot of NY men don't know how to talk to
women nicely.
Y'all are a little
rough around the edges!!!!!
And I'm not just talking about men who may appear rough on the exterior! I'm talking to the
Pretty Boy Floyds too. Yeah, you! Be nice!
Not sure what the
psychology is behind the behavior but if you want nice, shouldn't you be nice? Where does talking down to women get you? If you want a nice
woman that you don't plan on "ruining," shouldn't you be nice to her?
Then there are men who you have to remind that we are women.
Ugh! I think some get so
comfortable or are so used to the slick talking, fast talking NY hustle and
grind mentality that they forget that tone matters
.
How you speak to me is
a reflection of how you feel about me.
Now back to the
women I've been interviewing. Beautiful, some without kids, kind, nurturing, selfless, fun, great backgrounds and upbringings...SINGLE! Sooooo many! And the stories
are the same!
Is NY the roughest
hardest place to date? Is it the culture? What about Black
women vs White women vs non-American women? Which group is the loneliest in
NYC?
As a Haitian woman
who is strong and fearless in the field but submissive/nurturing at home...in my opinion, I think NY is a
hateful place when it comes to romance. NY is not built for
romance! Waaaaaait...let me explain! Aesthetically, it is the most romantic place ever! Between restaurants,
Plays, Museums, novelty shops for the most original gifts, parks,
Historic venues, Art, outdoor activities and Groupon...NY is the SHIT! There is too much
going on for Romance not to be found or developed. Shit is motivational. You
can fall in love with the idea of NY.
However!
Fundamentally...NY is
too rough for romance. Too slick. Too casual. Too nonchalant. Unapologetic. Drama filled. Loud. Rude. Selfish! Even the Homeless are elitists! Dudes won't hold
doors, give up seats on trains, move out of a woman's way on side walks, hail
you a taxi, or walk with you on the street. Yes...that last one
is a Pet Peeve of mine till death! If we are going somewhere together, why
are you walking ahead of me? And dudes don't even
invite you out in NY. They want to meet up or better yet...Tweet up! Oh.
So if you are missing
the basics, how can NY Romance strive?
...and then there are the women in NY like the ones I'm interviewing who oblige. Oy! And if they're not obliging in that way, they're playing the role of the man. Desperation maybe? Loneliness? Fatigue? Or are you
trying to raise men whose father's didn't? Paying for dinners,
always the inviter, holding doors open, 1st to call or text, all while still
being the nurturing feminine woman?
This project low key
has me depressed! Shaaaaaaaaaaaaat! Pardon me, NY, but what
happened to: Do you like me? Circle yes or no? What happened to talking,
building, learning each other, courting and romance?
Is this city about
that romance life or are you only good enough as a backdrop for romantic films?
Let me find out NY is
only good on paper!
Listen...Whether you agree or
disagree, hate my metaphors and similes or are clapping along like I'm preaching in church, these stories and experiences are out there and are not unique. I don't have the
answers, you feel me? I only can give my opinions based on experience,
observations and what's being told to me in these interviews. My only wish is that we can talk about it, be honest about what we want and don't, be a bit flexible, find a happy medium, and take advantage of everything New York City has to offer...together.
CMJ